im 51 cant type for shit. im suffering from major deppresoin&social anxiety for many years now. ihate everything & everybody. many peaple love me, so it makes it hard to do it. im thinking about death & suicide all my waking hours. my meds. dont do shit, &imon alot of em. i recently had a major operation, liver transplant. iv been an alcoholic, drug abuser sinse 12 y.o. but iv been sober for ten years. sobriety sucks major ass. thats the time i had all my fun. well the funs over, now i have to deal with this fucking hell. if i had any balls id blow my brains out. out.
3 comments
Hello, my alias is Phoung. Its a pleasure to meet you. At the end of my comment, i am going to give you my email address. I encourage you to come and tell me whats been going on in your mind. I will not judge you nor will i condencend you.
Well, first off, i am happy you have made it this far. 51 is a really long time. You are a true soldier, especially with all the things you’ve been through. And because you have lived so long, i think you should continue on. You have come this far, you have fought for so long, i encourage you to continue fighting. Because i want you to die with peace in your mind. Not with this burning hatred you have right now.
You have admitted that youhave been an alcholor and an addict. Well, drugs and alcohol is were everything started. Alcohol and drugs are two catalysts for depression. They both prolong depression and make it extremely worse. And since it had become an addcition, it now only just makes things worse because you have nothing to turn to.
But i want you to know that it is okay. You chose these things because these elements had helped you cope with your depression and your anxiety. You are not the only one who has done this. My mother has done the same thing. And like you, she has been sober. (Except from drinking. she really needs to quit)
Since alcohol and drugs were your fun, and this you admit, these things were the things you lived for back then: fun. Now that it has abandoned you, you must live for youself. Because you have quit these things, you have taken a nice big huge step towards helping yourself reach the relief youve been desirering or awhile. An this is a really good start. Don’t stop there.
As of right now, all i can say is that i’ll be here. I cannot imagine what is like taking pills that you know isn’t working for you the way you want them to. I cant imagine. I can only try to understand it through the words you write. But you have a new liver. This is a gift fate has brought for you. Fate wants you to use it and continue on. You are a very lucky person. whether you want to think so is up to you, but you will not change my mind. i believe that you are a lucky person who was given a second chance.
With that being said, i hope you can reconsider, and try to live the rest of your life, taking your opportunity at a second chacne and begin living for yourself. Your time will becoming soon, whats a few more years? You never know, you just might find stumble upon something exciting from the wonders of tomorrow.
You are a soldier, i want you to remember that. I also believe that you will overcome everything now. Iwill be here every step of the way, only if you want me to. Remember, fate has given you a second chance, and not many people get second chances. I do encourage you to come and tell me what you’ve been feeling. All you have to do is decide..
silly.snowball@yahoo.com
i would love to hear from you.
thank you P.S., i didnt realize anybody cared. my wife & family dont understand. i have a therapist & a shrink but the shrink is just a pill pusher & i only see my ther. twice a month. my anxiety started well before i started drinking. its the main reason for it. doin drugs & drinking made me fit in with the cool crowd. back in the seventies i was in the navy, thats when i started using the needle. i got hep-c. but it didnt kick in till i was 5 yrs. sober. 25 yrs. later, the first 5 yrs. of sobriety was great. i lost 120 lbs. was running marathons & living life to the fullest. then the hep-c kicked in.two yrs. later i had liver cancer. THATS WHEN MY LIFE TURNED TO SHIT! i got a transplant at the last hours of my life. i was ok for awhile but i dont believe i deserve it. i fucked my liver up , i fucked my family up & im in financial ruin. thier is nowhere to hide anymore. i really believe i deserve death, im in pain, fatigue, migrains. & can hardly walk + im over 300 lbs. this is my plight. & i cant keep living like this. so thank you for the uplifting reply. im out ZUNKMAN
That is what usually will happen. What mistakes you made will come back, like a boomerang. You played the piper and you payed it with your life (liver). Now that you realized what you have done wrong is a a good step for your mentality.
By embracing the past and accepting it, you are easily able to forgive yourself. This is the best relief that one can possibly feel. Don’t keep lingering off of the past. It is obviously building up and this is something you dont want to keep on harboring. You need to find it within yourself to accept what you have done wrong and forgive yourself. Now thatyou know what you havedone wrong and you have forgiven yourself can relieve alot ostress for you. And when you die, you can accept who you were and you can also except the changed person you have become before you die.
I encourage allother before they die (not to to kill themselves) to die with peace in mind. Because everyone deserves it, no matter what they have done. Physically we are all different, but mentally, we are harmoniously equal.
Family will be family. It is up to them to accept you for you. Remember familiy will always be there to support you and family will be there because they are biologically and spiritually binded to you. But even if they are binded to you, they will never understand you. You can either prove to themyou have changed for the better of your welfare or you can prove to them you still haven’t changed at all.
You can choose to accept yourself. You can choose to accept the decisions of your family and accept their support. With age comes wisdom. You have lived through the fires of hell, to and fro. I think you will make a wise decision.
I do hope you choose not to commit to suicide. And i do hope you get a new therapist. Ignorant bitches that force you to take your meds, and bcause they believe in the power technology has…she should loose her job. Stupid ****….(My apologies for foul language)
Send me an email at anytime. I always check them daily. (I hate spam….)
And sir, Zunkman, i always care. Its up to you whether you want to accept it.
silly.snowball@yahoo.com