I’m 21 years old, and I still haven’t finished school. Some of my friends are in universities and all…anyways, I’ve been feeling like this since 7th grade, that was 8 years ago, where I first tried to kill myself, with a pair of scissors, I went to see a therapist, but that didn’t help obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be suicidal right about now. I tried to kill myself last week, because I feel that I have let down my parents, everybody. I live in iceland for the moment, day in day out, I get more and more depressed, I write poems, because it’s a way of expression but no one hears my cry for help. The people I love the most are million miles away from me, and the I associate with here, I can’t call them my friends. It is very hard for me to open up to anyone, because I’m afriad that I’ll be rejected, laughed at ect. And before I stumbled upon this site, I was/am thinking of killing myself, because I am of no worth at all, poetry doesn’t seem to help anymore, I don’t know what to do anymore.
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ii kno how yu feel…ii mean ii dnt live in iceland or anything, but as far as the whole letting parents down, not finishing school, afraid of letting people in things go, ii kno how you feel. My whole life my parents have told me, “you could have done better” and so it was always hard for me to care enuf to do things good enuf, because ii was always sure it wasnt going to be what everyone expected. Im 21 as well, still in school because ii decided to screw around wen ii was younger and not take school seriously, and now im 21, STILL in a community college and still struggling to get thru schooling. Its hard to let people in because ii dnt like to disappoint anyone, so thats my defense mechanism. i cant disappoint ppl if ii dnt get near to ppl. Im a writer like yu, and used words to express how ii felt, hoping it would always make me feel better, but sumtimes it doesnt. The thing ive learned so far, is that paper cant hold you when ur sad, it doesnt have a shoulder for your tears to fall on, it doesnt protect you from the world crumbling around you…people can tho…even just one person…let all your anxieties go, and take a leap of faith and let someone in. Rejection happens, but you and i both know that cautious people like us are very picky about who we are willing to take a chance on and who we know isnt a safe bet. Find someone that yu can connect to, someone that yu can visit when ur feeling down, or call in the middle of the night wen ur having problems. the risk is very worth the rewards of finding someone like that. Dnt stop writing, that is something that will always be there to help, but try and find a human connection because that is what will realli help you through…hawaiiansurfergrrl@yahoo.com…if yu ever need to talk, dont be afraid to shoot me a message =] im here to help. keep yourself safe. please. from one artist to another.
@ the three of you:
You guys are total strangers, and yet here you are, trying to convince me not to hurt myself or end my life. I appreciate that you all share your experience with me, and we don’t know each other. You guys have been more friendly to me by writing here, then all those people here in iceland who call themselves “friends”. You’re right, I should go to the people I care about, but not yet permanently, because I am not done here in school yet… but what I wanted to say, I’ve been trying to relax, and get my head straight, my head is hurting though from all the depression and suicidal thoughts. Thank you, you strangers have been more of a help to me than those fake friends here. And I am sorry that I am replying this late.
NO please dont! my mom just hung herself about two weeks ago and i just googled suicide prayers, because i miss her more than anything in the world. and her killing herself made absolutly NOTHING better. she may think she made herself better, but she fucked up so many peoples feelings. and i know for a fact I will never be the same. so seriously i know you have poeple out there that care about you and youll only ruin there lives, so dont think about yourself think about them! seriously DO NOT kill yourself, move to where all you loved ones are and be with them. Because i havent gone a hour with out tearing up, a night without waking up crying, or a second without thinking about her. It was the worst disicion she ever made.
I’m 22 years old going on 23 and I still haven’t finished school so I know how you feel when you say you feel like you’ve let down your parents. But everybody is different. Everyone’s life takes a different path and you taking a little longer to finish school is just the way yours is. Same with mine. As far as being away from everyone you love; I’m sure there are others out there going through the same thing as you. Maybe try to find some sort of support group or another person that is going through this and you can talk with them about it. Try looking online. Don’t ever be afraid to open up to anyone and show who you are. If some people don’t like it then they weren’t worth it to begin with. There will always be someone who accepts you for who you are – like your friends and family do.