Is this the beginning or the end?

I’ve had Paranoid Schizophrenia since I was 14. Now 5 years down the line, no sign of improvement, even the government has given up on me. They’ve put me on permenant disability, and the things they wrote about me in the report made me cry for hours. They had a specialtist doctor describe how I have no chance of ever having a job or an education, or being able to support myself. They made me sound like a worthless human being, the burden of society. I have no friends. Usually people that say that at least have aquaintances, but I can honestly say I have none. I have nothing to get out of bed for in the morning, and most days I don’t want to. I dream of dreaming forever, things are so beautiful in my imagination, and that’s where I live for the most part. I have horrific voices in my head and am on strong medication that makes me feel extremely drowsy and sleep excessively. All I have left is my family, and since I moved out on my own I seem to be distancing myself from them. Soon I will have absolutely nobody. I cry several times a day, but it only gives small relief. I’m crying now. I’m so jealous when I see other people on the streets with friends, I want someone to tell things and share with. I just want one friend, just one person that won’t shun me when they hear about my illness. I’ve never been violent or evil, yet people judge me.. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but I just felt the need to get it out