Well I’ve had fun but I believe it is time for me to go

March 9th, 2010by HisBloodStainsMe

Now I’m not going to give you all some sob story about how horrible my life is because personally I find that extreamly annoying, I’m just here to share my thoughts on why I’ve decided that although the life I have had has been absolutely amazing I feel my time is up on this planet. I’m 16 on my way to be 17 (yes I am well aware I am young) and I’ve been suffering from several extreamly painful chronic illness (most likely as a result of being a premature twin who was born breach).  Now I’m not trying to annoy any of you with my complaining but the pain over the last few years has been horrible. I have a rare form of asthma so I’m on a particularly high dose of steriods which have taken it’s tole on my body (which would happen to anyone with 15 years of heavy steriod use). My heart is weak and the medication isn’t helping very much of it’s problems, along with that my joints are very brittle and weak but that’s also a result of my type III Von Willebrand’s disease (joint bleeding is one of my many unpleasures). I also suffer from chronic migraines that don’t react to pain medication and have caused me to become a narcotic addict. Daily life is slow and painful for you it’d feeling like you have a bad case of the flu I suppose. My constant vomiting doesn’t help and although it happens daily we’re not quite sure why my body reacts in such a way. I suppose you can say I’m for euthenasia for the chroniclly ill and in pain. Imagin you’re dog suffering from a painful arthritis that makes it’s life miserable so you take it out of it’s pain, it’s the same for us. Now I’m very religious and I have never once blaimed God for my situation but I have prayed for him to let me go early and easily so I won’t be a strain not only on myself but the people around me. My medical bills are too much for my father to handle (my mother I do not speak to for she has become more intrested in heroin and her cocktail of pills than her own daughters which is fine it doesnt bother me I have a very loving father who supports me and tries his hardest to give me everything he possibly can). I’m a burden to everyone who is near me as they are constantly worrying about my condition and if I were to get hurt. I perfere to leave them peacefully as much as it hurts my heart to leave them it would be best for all of us. I realise they will be upset and at a loss but I have a long detailed letter personalized for all of those close to me explaining why I have chosen to release myself from this body. I’m not sure when my “event” will take place but I imagin it will be within the next month so I have time to perpare. I don’t want any of your pitty or telling me I have so much to live for because honestly I don’t. I can’t work or have children, I’ll most likely need a heart transplant by the time I’m 30, and everyone I’m close to will just have to watch me suffer with the depression of knowing I’m not like everyone else, that I can’t do the things the rest of you people do. All I can do is sit and watch my life go by being uneventful and lifeless, and that’s the worst thought of them all. So now I wish you all a goodbye and hope whatever it is in your lives that are troubleing you, you can over come and be strong unlike myself who’s decided to take the easy way out. So goodbye until we meet again somewhere beyond this world that God has given us. I wish you all the best.

~Megan

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