Hi im 17 years old and i have tried killing myself countless times. Im not diagnosed with depression i just think about death all the time. See i grew up in a broken home, moved arond alot staying with family until my parents could afford a house on their own. Everything was fine until i turned 9. My parents told me and my brothers that were seperating. It killed me, it wasnt a quick quite divorce considering my dad lived in the basement of the tme of the divorce.ALl they did was fight. And if that wasnt bad my dad would take his anger out on us. he was emotionally abusive, he use to say we wernt his kids and that w can all go to hell. After my dad moved out and the divorce was being finallized my mom met Neil. me being 9 i thought he was cool. but boy was i wrong, it was 3 months after my dad moved out neil moved in. And thats were my life spiralled out of control. It wasnt even six months after my dad moved ot my mom was engaged. i lost it. A few months later they were married. After the wedding everything hit the fan my step dad became controlling every screw up u get in trouble and my om wasnt protecting us from it. She embraced it. I felt like my mom didnt care for me or my brothers anymore and my brother picked up on that, so he started taking his anger out on me. beating me up throwing me into glass door, an even worse i would tell and show my mom and she wouldnt belive me. after the first year with neil in the house i had tried killing mysle 2 times once with pills and other by hanging myself. All failed attempts. As the years grew on my relationships fell apart. I hated my mom for marring neil and i hated her more for no seeing it. I wish so many times i was dead or neil wasnt there. 2 years ago my brotehrs move out leaving me with my mom and neil all by myself. Im a little slave. And i cant do anything right anymore apparently. If i do something wrong im in toruble. Like i slammed a door on a accident and Neil lectured me for an hour on how to close a door and i had to open and closethe door properly 100 times. Im now 17 as of march and i still life in my hell whole with my mother. I have tried movin in with my dad but court wont allow it due to he doesnt have his own home. So i guess im stuck here in a living nightmare until im 18 if i even maek to that.
1 comment
Neil sounds like a pain in the ass! He has no right to belittle you but you are you inside and nobody can change that. No matter how they want to control you. I’m sorry that your home was turned upside down when your parents split. It’s their unhappiness that you are feeling the brunt of. Neil’s insecurities, your mum’s concerns that she needs to make this relationship work… Your brother will feel remorse for hurting you when he lived with you, he just didn’t have your strength to keep his frustrations inside. Its very difficult to apologise and admit what you have done in the past. You are so close, you can either, become and island for the next 10 months. Plan what you’ll do when you move out, figure out how you will afford to rent, who might house share with you, where you would like to live/ travel. Or make the jump now. Tell your Dad that you would like to stay with him as much as you can.
The most important thing you have to do is to make sure all of the negativity that you have experienced, all of the frustration, the anger, the control… is kept out of your character. Don’t ever let yourself act in the way that people have done towards you. It is your duty to not only make it through these months but to do so with such style and strength of character that it makes the people who have brought you down learn a real lesson about soul. You will grow up and live your life and you will have learnt how not behave from the people who raised you and you will be stronger than all of them… and maybe one day you will be the light that unites them. Read as much as you can, write and give Neil as little reason as possible to confront you. Good luck. I think you are going to change somebodies life one day.