Angels

May 1st, 2010by solntse

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If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional – only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have few simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

I do care for you, even tho I don’t know you. My parents and 3 sisters died in fire when I was 6, leavin me an orphan in Russia. I went to Estonia for about 4 more orphanages, in 2 years. I’m 15 years old now. I was finally adopted when I was 11 and came to the U.S. No, i’m not the most beautiful person in the world, but I am beautiful. I may not be the smartest, but I am smart. I may cry, but I am not weak.

Until you have traveled the world, until you hold a baby in your arms, until you truly felt love, is when you are ready to go. By that time, you will be happy.  There’s love for everybody.

Because once your gone, your never coming back.

If you want to talk, email:

zakharovak@yahoo.com

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