Everyday the same fake smile.

  May 1st, 2010 by disconsolate

The same fake laugh.

People think I’m better, cause of those two techinues I perfected, and becuase people havent seen any new cuts on me. Yet. Everyone knows I’m troubled, cause my arm is riddled with scars. I dont even try to hide them anymore I know people will somehow find out I’m still harming myself; then I’ll get sent away to a looney bin. But I dont care anymore thats in the future, I dont plan on living much longer anyway.

I know only being 15, I shouldnt be complaining, other people have it much worse then me. With some having to deal with abuse, death of loved ones, or even trying to find a meal for tomorrow. I hardly have to worry my safety. I dont deserve all these things that us Americans can take for granted: cooked meals, free education, even this computer I’m typing on. I’m a worthless piece of meat, contributing nothing to society. No one will care if I’m gone, why shouldnt I end it all?

I was ill-bent on ending it all a few days ago via a knife. I would of succeeded if I didnt break down in front of a friend. There I was crying my eyes out in the middle of school, I decided I wasnt gonna that die that day, their was some hope left in me. So I handed my knife over to my friend (she knew how to help me shes been through this) I no longer trusted myself with it.

I’m starting to lose that last ray of hope in me, the only reason I’m still here is cause I dont have a sturdy enough rope, or a sharp enough knife.

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