- Him: “How the hell am I supposed to help you if you won’t talk to me?”
- Me: I don’t want you to help me… I just want you to listen…
- Him: “Then talk to me.”
- Me: I can’t…
- Him: “K. Whatever, talk to me when you actually want to talk. I’m sick of trying to talk to you and ending up feeling like shit.”
- Me: Okay… Sorry…
End of conversation.
Nights are the worst.
Nights are when I get to lay there and think. Think about what I have become. What a failure. A disgrace to even be living in this house.
- Mom: “What’s wrong?”
- Me: *Shrugs shoulders* “Just tired….”
- Mom: “Are you sure?”
- Me: My eyes fill with tears… “Yeah.”
- Mom: Stands there for a second, just staring. “Okay..”
End of conversation.
She has no idea. No idea of who i am. Or the pain I feel. And i won’t let her in. She wouldn’t understand. Religion, and being a perfect little angel is what she is concerned for.
My dad’s told me I’m going to hell before.
Yesterday:
- Mortal Enemy: “You’re crazy!!! Seriously, stay out of mine and K*******’s lives!!!”
- Me: “You texted me first, dumbfuck.”
- Mortal Enemy: “Yeah to tell you you’re freaking crazy and to stay out of mine and K********’s lives! You ain’t nothing. Peace.”
End of conversation.
Quote: “You ain’t nothing.”
You’ve just got me all figured out, don’t you. I know… I know i shouldn’t let this get to me. But it’s true…
I am not anything.
Correct.
Quote: “You’re crazy.”
Correct.
Crazy nothingness. That’s what it is huh. Exactly. Thank you for verifying.
Like I said. This shouldn’t hurt me… It wouldn’t hurt me if I knew it wasn’t true.. But it is. And it does. And i am.
Crazy Nothingness.
2 comments
I don’t mean to judge at all when I say the following:
I go through the same conversations and feel the same at night. I am often reduced to tears each night thinking about all my flaws and how much I have failed in life. But as far as I know, from what you’ve said, this is two people, right? I’m not saying there aren’t other people making you feel like this.
I have been miserable for years. I am known for being ‘moody’ and ‘depressed.’ I do nothing but sit at the computer. I don’t really do homework and GCSE’s start in about 4 days and I can’t be arsed.
What I’m trying to do, although I don’t have any energy, is get exams over with. then I can say ‘SCREW YOU!!’ to the lot that have been making me feel like I’m a waste of space. you are NOT a waste of space, right? find something you are good at and work at that one thing. if you want to snap and yell then do it, it’s your life.
Do you feel like every little thing has built up and you can’t let yourself get upset when one thing makes you snap because when someone asks you what’s wrong, it’s harder to explain. It’s nothing but it’s everything at the same time. You can’t say ‘this person said this’ because they’ll be like ‘that’s stupid’ but they need to be in your shoes to see what you’re going through and it makes you angry that they can’t. sorry for the essay.
Hells bells, who is your dad Jesus Christ. Noone on this earth can condemn you to hell. Maybe, mom is just tired from being a mom. I would go to her and speak to her in private. tell her your heart, if that don’t work go to the school counselor. take care of yourself sunshine.