June 8th, 2010 by lauren90

My first suicidal thought occurred aged seven, when I naively but intently put and elastic hair band tightly at the top of my arm thinking I’d be dead within an hour. It didn’t work. All I wanted was to see my best friend again and it didn’t work. From then on nothing did.
I attempted an overdose aged 10. It was only 8 paracetomol, but that didn’t work either, neither did the counselling after.
Since then I’ve taken countless overdoses, self harmed, even tried hanging myself but chickened out half way through. Nothing worked.
For the year 2008 til 2009 I was happy. Nothing particular was going on I was happy. No thoughts of death. It was beautiful. Since then my life has got better I have a good job, an amazing boyfriend who completely adores me. But the thoughts have come back, for no reason, unlike before when my best friend had died and I was being bullied. I feel ashamed, people have so much less than me and I still want to die. So much so that it really is all I think of.

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