I guess I just wanna get everything off my chest. And not become completly shunned by all my friends…
I’m gonna start out with the cliche of a highschool teen: My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and has a new girlfriend, it’s made me sad and more than a little jealous.
Next, my parents think I’m “all better” since I don’t show how I feel and my pills are still being taken. But I know if I talk to them about this there just gonna freak completly out and dump me in a mental institute. (which I’m deathly afraid of)
Of course, there are my friends. I tend to draw in depressed/suicidal people like flies. I love to help. No, I NEED to help. So they come to me, I don’t mind but sometimes all there depression crushes in on me and I feel like suffocating…
Since I always need to help I have problems saying no to people which led me to losing my virginity to a guy in a back of car. Whats worse is he knew i was super depressed at the time and took advantage of that. I had sex with him one other time after that. It’s really messed with my head.
Oh, I also am a liar. Major one. I lie to have a reason to be depressed because I really don’t have much of a reason to be. So I make stuff up. It’s backfired on me multiple times already.
Finally, I’ve found a guy…who cares and all. He’s already started to heal the wounds my last boyfriend left me. But i’ve already told him a lie. I’m scared he’ll leave me alone, so I’m trying to push him away.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
2 comments
I can only try help with one thing: “…I lie to have a reason to be depressed because I really don’t have much of a reason to be…” I don’t have a ‘good’ reason either but it’s YOUR life, NO-ONE else’s. Don’t feel ashamed you feel this way, however small the reason. Everyone’s entitled to their own personnel limit. I’m not calling you weak, say a person falls off a building and breaks their arm but somewhere else someone just tripped and broke their arm like the other person… who do you think will get more attention even though the people felt the same pain?
you’re just lost stop feeling so guilty about things and stop blaming yourself. You need to find a way to heal. You need to focus on yourself, you’re running from this by helping other people…maybe I’m wrong? I feel I’m right.