it is not the first time i feel that depressed, i’ve been suffering with depression for the past few years, i tried to commit suicide several time before, and i think about suicide just about everyday!
it is been days, after failing making a relationship work, i gave up … i thought i was improving to become a better person, and the closest person to me end up disliking the person that i’ve became.
i always thought, you can never make everyone happy, so at least make yourself happy… but what is the use of being happy while people around me aren’t.
i am numb most of the times, and when i am not i am sad, i have these hyper positive moments but they often go away so fast the same way they come… i get sick of this ride with time, being so moody, most of the times for no reasons. i am sick of being so idealistic, over-sensitive, caring…
i was seen as a dreamer … but i suffer being a dreamer, it is a curse as much as it is a gift
i don’t understand, all i wanted was to make this world a better place, wanted to be the example of how i want this world to be, and i keep letting myself down and others.
i know noone is perfect, and mistakes are just lessons, i know all that jazz about being positive.
no, i am not gonna commit suicide, i am sticking here … i just want to feel okay to breathe, i just want to smile and actually mean it, not wearing it as a mask
by the time you finished reading that, i thank u for your time
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3 comments
I mean you sound perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with you, on the contrary too pure for this society that is why you suffer. I have said it many times, we know what kind of world this is, starting with a fascist country like the US causing miseries to the rest of the world, but there are other parts of these planet worth to look at, children, elderly, the sick or the impoverished who so much need a smile and a hug. Therefore, dont waste minutes hours days months or years of your life moaning about this world, employ yourself in helping others who are in worse situations than yours.
Hey mate. I just wanted to say I can relate to you…I look at the world a lot of the time and hate what it’s become…I know the curse of having to be the sensitive type and the caring type…seems we are the ones that are often crushed the most and the hardest…but least your not contemplating suicide which is a good thing not everyone is as strong as you in the way…I also know those hyper positive moments you speak of but they’re so damn brief and far between that they’re just part of the problem…anyway I dunno if I could give you any advice really I guess we can just hope that the day will come when things start to change…and that by doing the simplest thing may set off a chain reaction that will completely change your life…it’s happened to me before so it can happen to anyone.
@oracle: people often sound fine, not just fine, but great at times, they seem so strong and capable on the surface =) this is how it goes, but it doesn’t mean this is how they are.
and yes, wasting the energy helping someone instead of grieving is what i seek, though knowing how much poverty there is and pain outside, leave me feeling helpless, knowing how much i help there are much more people in need for help, but there is this quote that says “to light once candle in the dark, is better than to curse to night one billion time”
@cloud34156: guess i am a fighter, i barely do remember the joyful moment that i feel, but even when i am depressed, i am still managing to care… in the end that is all i could ask for, to die a human, but mostly die a fighter