Shards

Try to just breathe. Think of your friend and he dream..nightmare, really. If you kill yourself…you may just cause her to end up doing what you will do..commit suicide. These things are like a virus that spreads. Surely you love your friend. The pain you will leave behind if you kill yourself will only be divided and multiplied by all who love you. My son killed himself just three short weeks ago…he left the most loving families..his father, stepmom, little brother and two older brothers. He left me, his mom and my husband, who had no children but thought of him as his son. He left the most wonderful fiance who adored every moment she had with him..they were the most beautiful couple I had ever seen in my life. We are now all filled with pain and questions that we will never answer..ever and we will ask them over and over. We could not have loved him more! My exhusband and I never could get mad at him in his life, because we both knew he wanted to please us. All of us worried about him all of his life. He was 28 with everything to live for….we don’t have to worry about him anymore. Now we have to worry about his widow and his brothers..as they are a little suicidal now. He never told us anything..he put on that happy face to all of us. We never had a chance to help! Now he is gone..and I reach out to him every moment..but I cannot hear him!

77evergone77
That gift of loving people makes you unique. I realize that you are saying that you love all but yourself. You feel unworthy of love, somehow. You cut yourself so that you feel physical pain and it mirrors you psychic pain…and for awhile it helps. Have you ever pictured yourself as a small child? Close your eyes and see that small child who needs to be shown love. Can you go over to that child and hug and kiss that child and say what you need to hear? Do not trust people…trust life, that life will help you. Here I am talking with you at 1:30 am my time. I am willing my love of life into you…surely you feel it. I think my son knows you, for some odd reason. He is directing me here to talk with you. You are so special and you are so loved. Can you feel your heart? It is there, in your heart, that you know love. Not in your head. Try to listen to that small voice in your heart…put your hand there until you feel it beating. Feel that beat? That is your assurance that you are special, uniquely needed in life and alive! You are really a beautiful person…and you are not alone, you just feel alone…I need you to help me with my pain over the loss of my precious son. He was so beautiful to me! He was so tender to me! I am afraid that I will never feel that tenderness again in my life. Please help me to understand what I do not understand. I could not love him enough to keep him alive and now I cannot love him back to life!