please help

The thing that I first want to tell you is that your sister and you not being on speaking terms was the drugs. It wasn’t you and it wasn’t your sister. It was a chemical that caused that. If that chemical was not there, you would have been speaking to her and she would have been speaking to you. So try to think of it as “The drugs caused us to fight” — just so you can remember that your sister loved you just like she always did and visa versa. That never changed. Not deep in your heart where it counts. The words are just the surface…it’s what was deep in your heart that counts. Don’t ever forget that you and your sister had a love for each other that the drugs could mask, but the drugs couldn’t change that love.

My sister died too. Seven months ago. We fought in the hospital when they told her she had cancer and that she was going to die. We still had it in us to fight with each other. I think that is part of sisterly love sometimes. Both you and I loved our sister enough to fight with them. That sounds weird, I know but my sister was hurting herself and I fought with her to stop. She would get really mad at me but I still fought because she was causing herself pain. I am not sorry for fighting with her. I was fighting against her causing herself more pain than the cancer was causing.

Keep trying to reach out to people who care about you. You have children that need you and you can only be there if you find a way to get out of pain yourself. I don’t have anyone to talk to about my depression, everyone is moving on with thier life and I am stuck. Missing my sister.

Writing down your pain can help a lot. Even if it’s just in a journal for you to see. It helps. Really you just need to get your thoughts out somewhere so you don’t have to keep them locked up in your brain making you sadder each day. So try to do that. And make sure to get up and get dressed and put on makeup every day. Don’t skip a day…at least do that, even if you go back to bed with your clothes and makeup on…that’s okay. Just make sure you tried your best to get through the day. I do that and a lot of times I do go right back to bed, with all my makeup on and my hair is done. But sometimes I don’t. Those days are a lot easier to take with your makeup on.

Silly advice, I know but try it. It helps. And write letters to yourself,or a journal or right here. Just keep trying. That’s what I am doing. I am just going to try to make it through tomorrow. The next day…I don’t think that far ahead. I’m going to make it through tomorrow with my makeup on. I’ll let you know if I went back to bed – I hope I don’t. But I can’t promise I won’t.