I will be writing my mum’s obituary and a eulogy then I will make a start on my suicide note

I do not yet know the precise method outside of asphyxiation. It’s funny because as a child I had an intense and recurring dream that I died by drowning in a previous life. Looks like it’s going to be similar in this life, in terms of breathing.

My mum died last week and I absolutely cannot and will not continue in life without her.

I hope there is an after life or reincarnation (though ideally I would just have a lifelong rest).

My biggest fear is something interrupting what I do and I awake but with a severe disability and can then never do anything for myself but still feel immense pain that I cannot manage.

I miss my mum. I want to see her again. We were joined at the hip. They call it enmeshment and they say it is unhealthy but I do not care. I cannot walk alone.