Attempting to numb it all

I was just recently raped by someone that I knew and it was all because I went on another binge. I just wanted to stay home and drink until Monday morning. Ended up making a really bad decision to attempt to make amends with someone that I had a falling out with. I bought a box of Burgundy, within a few hours it was gone. I got a drunk text from the guy and we decided that I should hang out with him and go to his house. I went down in the morning and he and I continued to drink. It got really bad from there. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and it is going to be so awful. I am still in shock and scare to death. Covered in bruises, what he did to me was NOT fun and so scary. I ended up running down the street from him chasing me after he had his way with me he tried to keep me in his apartment and I am so hurt both physically and mentally. I was drunk and never should have drank. He beat the shit out of me and he also made sure that he fed me a pill of some sort with ‘another glass of wine’ he then dialed my BOYFRIEND that I have not been with for more than a couple of months and he had sex, came inside me then tried to hold me down on his bed, in his room, chased me into the bathroom, beat the door down, chased me into the living room, held me from running out the front door BEGGING me yelling at me in my face for me not to leave and to be his girlfriend. I feel so disgusting. My skin is creeped out. My mind is creeped out. I am now not only scared that I will kill myself, but scared that he will kill me when I have to see him in court.