I will try to make it as brief as I can what might possibly be the last thing I am writing.. I just found this site by accident and felt like sharing my pain with others.. Well I’m 22 and in final year of college.. It all started back when I was in school.. I was kind of a really big geek until 15.. Always had my nose in books and never thought of anything else except studies.. But then when I turned 16 there was a new girl that came to our class and she was so damn pretty that everyone was crazy about her and I was no exception.. It was just two weeks after I saw her that everything in Â my life began to change.. Not just physically but mentally as well.. I got my hair done started wearing new clothes, bodybuilding and everything! I was changed to an extent that sometimes people didnt even recognize me.. But deep down I was always afraid that I am not as good looking as her and had a really low self esteem.. But surprisingly after a month she began to notice me as well and in 2-3 months we had a good thing going on between us but we never talked until one day when she called me and I was dead surprised and after that we had that common DREAM LOVE STORY with promises and I was fully convinced that she was the ONE and I will marry her and all..
But after an year and a half the things started to change a little and soon I found something that was devastating.. She already had an affair with another boy from 3 years and she double crossed me the whole time (An year and a half)! I was shattered and tried to commit suicide but somehow survived.. So until now it was a simple story with nothing much unique..
So now I was in my first semester of college and I started to heal a little… But what I didn’t realized was that I wasn’t healing but inching towards a dead end.. How you will ask? Well, first of all my confidence and self esteem was at an all time low.. I used to stay all the time in my dormroom watching movies.. But somehow my ego hit an all time high.. I stopped talking to girls and started to drive my friends away.. And everyone who looked at me used to say I looked extremely arrogant due to my inflated ego but inside I was all pain which was slowly increasing everyday.. And the time passed I started isolating myself living alone for two years.. Stopped calling my friends.. Didn’t talked to any girl for 2 years.. And after couple of years I was diagnosed with clinical depression and I think you all know the useless treatments that never work.. I tried em all..
But now after living alone in pain for 3 years in depression I thought of letting it go now.. I am a big loser now.. I don’t have the confidence to talk to any girl and it kills me inside to live alone, I donâ€™t feel like I connect with a single other person on the planet really.Â My studies are gone for good, I am incapable of doing any job and my college is about to end.. And everyone is working hard for the job interviews with me sitting idle all the time.. All these thing are really killing me.. Everytime I think that I have hit rock bottom the life digs it even deeper..
But I have convinced my parents and few friends that I have that I am completely OK by faking everything in front of them.. So they wont expect anything suicidal from me now and they think I have recovered completely.. But inside I am suffering from millions of psychological disorders and want to end the pain now as I don’t wont to sit idle after the college and I cant do a job at all..
Sorry, there are tons of other deep problems as well that I cant explain here so without further boring you I would like to say GOODBYE and remember Â ‘Suicide is best the answer to all the pain you feel’ 🙂