Let me start from the beginning. I had a terrible childhood like many other people so I won’t go there. Then, I was kidnapped by pimps and prostitutes across the whole country which to be honest with yous I have no idea how I got out of that one (another long drawn out story). A couple years after that I met my husband and had 2 children now 7 and 8. We bought a house and I just graduated college as an ultrasound tech. Ok, we have major financial problems and are losing the house because I still cant find a job and my husbands hours were seriousely cut, yet that isn’t the problem I have. Those are just material things and honestly I think I have come to terms with that. The problem is that after all I’ve been through and accomplished I should have a wonderful life or feel like I do. Now 29, I still feel like a loser, worthless piece of crap who cant even get a job and help support the family which I have put so much time and energy and brainwork into helping our finances. I dont know if Im jumping the gun here since its only been since June 23 was the last day of school, but my whole point is that ever since I can remember everything I do turns to crap. We’ve gone to marriage counseling a few years back and she diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder, clinical depression, and anxiety. It’s hard too since my husband feels depressed and suicidal as well. We cant really talk to eachother about it bc it just turns into a whos got it worse game. To make a long story short, I have attempted suicide numerous times since I was 12. And the feeling never goes away no matter how many letters are after my name or blessings in my current life. Thanks for listening…it was difficult 🙂
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3 comments
Hey so-very-tired:)
It is truly an honor speaking to you tonight. I have no idea what you guys are going through but I must admit that I love your approach to life. You still try to see the positive in every situation even though you have seen a lot of negatives. I hope that all is well with you and that you are coping with all that is happening in your life.
I know that the whole job situation can be very difficult! Especially in these trying times. Even so, I believe that you’ll be able to survive it. But in order to overcome everything that is happening, you and your husbajnd both need to stop throwing yourselves a pity party and start to dwell on the positive things in your life. You guys have two beautiful children who more than likely adore you guys. If you want them to be able to cope with tough situations in life, then you guys have to be the examples. They’ll be so pleased to know that you guys got over a difficult situation and is still standing firm. It’s admirable as a matter of fact:)
You seems to be a strong, goal oriented individual….which is rather admirable if you ask me. Continue to hold firm and be strong so that you can be the pillar that your family needs.
If you ever need to talk or just want someone to vent to….i’m a listening ear. You can contact me at angeloflight91@hotmail.com. May peace be with you:)
it will be ok! amethyst.com@gmail.com if you want to talk! and i idolize your strength and courage!
Thank you guys for the comments! The pity party absolutely needs to stop. lol Its a lose lose situation anyway. I will try to keep my head up which hopefully will help boost self confidence. Just a question: Is it just me that every time i would get on antidepressants, EVERY single brand made me worse off?? I havent been on anything for a few years now cause im scared of how they made me see weird things like red eyes in the woods and stuff. weird, but anyway, thanks for the feedback.