So here’s the deal:
I have this condition called post traumatic stress disorder from my life sucking for a while, and all it really does is make my life suck more and renders me incapable of feeling any emotion similar to happiness and  incapacitates me from any form of escapism, self-help or relating to other people. I have nightmares whenever I sleep, and anxiety through the day. I’ve been suicidal for years. Had major self esteem/self identity issues. Been sexually assaulted.  Was bullied as a child. Cutter for six years. Eating disorders. Sleep disorders.  Y’know the whole deal.
If you fancy yourself to be somewhat intellectual and can relate to this feeling (even if you can understand it) you should contact me. Especially if you live in a desolate yet fascinating city named Calgary. Tell me who you are, what you’ve been though, what (if anything) makes you happy. We could be acquaintances, pen-pals, drinking buddies, best-friends, suicide partners, mutual support. Whatever you want, baby; I just don’t want to suffer alone anymore.
just please don’t try to talk me down from the proverbial ledge, kay? Oh, and please don’t try to convert me either. I’m happy being a metaphysically confused pantheistically oriented agnostic with Buddhist tenancies.
buckminsterfullerene@hotmail.com
& if I like you I’ll give you my real one from there…
3 comments
i can’t sleep, somtimes i can’t sleep for two days in a row. I’ve been sexually abused, I’ve tried killing myself four times makes me think im inmortal, once in a while I cut myself but the bad thing is I’m not very capable of feeling emotions. Don’t get mad, sad or happy very often but, when i do get mad i cut, when i get sad i try killing myself and when I’m happy I watch T.V. when im bored I drink ( I’m bored almost all the time). but I really would like to hear your stories if you like… at least one
I like this post.. you have a good way with words!!
A childhood of comlpete stagnation has left me entirely apathetic. Apart from my parents living a world apart (literally), there have been no major events in my life that have left me emotionally scarred. That being said, I feel so emotionless that I consider suicide on a daily basis. I’m still in school at the moment, but I’m coming up to my final year. I fear that as soon as I leave school, all contact with anyone besides my mum will be cut. Whenever I look to the future, all I see is myself commiting suicide. My indecisiveness and lack of motivation often lead me to feel incredibly frustrated, at which point I self mutilate just. There are times when I feel genuinly sad, but that only occurs when I start to plan how to kill myself. (I live in sydney, and its not the easiest place to die in)
I’ve told one person about my self harm and suicidal thoughts, but I have never admitted what actually causes those feelings.