For what it’s worth, I’m 61.I have battled depression since I was 14. I spent almost all my adult years self- medicating with drugs, mostly alcohol for the last 40+ years on a daily basis. I’ve been in treatment 4 times but always relapsed. About 3 years ago I noticed my cognitive skills and memory we taking a dive. I qut drinking ( except for a few breif relapses).I began seeing a psychologist for 2 years(i’d been in therapy before) . Not long after I started seeing the psychologist, I started seeing psychiatrists, again. I’ve had my regular doctors prescribe medications that did nothing. The psychiatrists have tried every medicine known to man. I’ve seen a naturopath, hypnosis, acupuncture,excerice, eating right, meditation, you name it. I’ve dropped from 160 lbs at 5’10” to 122 lbs They even tried electro convulsive therapy(shock treatments) as a last ditch effort It’s supossidly 80-90% effective.The normal couse is 2-4 treatments. I had 9 with no results.
The psychiatrist I’m seeing has tried all the meds that I have’t taken before,,,,NOTHING. I suffer from extreme anxiety/panic and acute depression. I spend my days, pacing, screaming and crying and searching the web for a way out. The tyical use firearms, hanging, and pills are unreliable at best.I want a sure way out.I tell my psychiatrist that I want to end it, but I’ve told him that hospitalation is pointless. All it would do it is temporarily prevent the inevitable, lock me up, giving the counseling which I already have. temporarily keeping me from checking out. I read the book “the final exit” and had high hopes. It was wothless as to giving instructions. Currently I’m taking 8 mgs of zanax a day and basically does nothing except keep me from having to go through withdraws that will only increase my anxiety. They’ve ran out of antidepressants to prescribe.BTW 1 mg of zanax is the same as 10 valiums Do the math I’m taking the equilvant to 80 Valiums daily and NOTHING I have a loving wife that this is tearing her apart. They’ve spoken about hospitalization, but all that would do is keep me locked up so I can’t harm myself and provide counseling counseling which I’ve been through and still am. My life has been less than blissful, but I’ve always been a fighter. I’ve met my match and it pisses me off that I don’t have reliable access to information as to how to end this HELL The govenment makes sure as to not let information be known as to how I could excape this HELL I pray everyday and research the web constantly. I wake eveyday in hopes that somthing has changed.New day, same situation.
I guess my point is I’ve struggling with this long enough. I’m not one who is depressed about my wife that I broke up with, or that my parents are mean to me, or I have problems at school or work.Things that can change. I am terminally ill, not in the sense of a medical situation. I’ve damaged my brain and it won’t recover.I’m not down playing anyone who is in misery and wants it to end.
I suppose my lenghty rant has little meaning to most readers.
I guess the bottom line is 40 years is enough for me. I can’t believe noone will help.
I guess it’s illegal to give advice as to taking your life, but then again I’ll only be able to take so much.
I wish the best for all that struggle, and it’s unfortunate that my time is running real short.
Do me a favor and spare me a pep talk.
If you can privide me with any resorces to my delima, please let me know
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So you want to end your life…huh.
Well here is what to do, now.
You need a blade and a bathtub…i know what you’re thinking.
Ok a blade from a pencil sharpener will do just pry it out with a penicl or somthing flat.
Ok now hide the blade and wait for a good time to do it
When you are redy, fill your bath up with luke-warm water, now step in
Cut either
the insidie of your left or right elbow (where ever you see a vien)
slice down your arm
slice down your leg
or
your neck
REMEBER CUT DEEP
AND
CUT DOWN THE M1
THE BATH WILL HELP THE BLOOD FLOW BY OPENING THE VEINS AND ATERYS
PLUS IT WILL HELP YOU RELAX
HOPE IT HELPS
– KIE250
This is going to be a prep talk but Im going to be straight forward to you. You put your time in depression and being ill and right now the only way that looks good is suicide. But you are an example of someone that is trying. And how do you know you made it look at your age. If it was that bad from the start you would have been gone but your here. If I had one last resort for you its to look for hope in G-d. Im not instilling my beliefs in you but to try this last resort. Find a belief that comforts who your are may it be Judaism, christianity, buddaisht. Go out and endulge your self in this. And if you say well that stupid or why should you its a waste…Well in all essence what do you have to lose by trying these options? Nothing…cause all you have left if 1 Life…no waste it…keep doing what you been doing trying.
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I used to work in a hospital – and I think you need to be very careful before you accept statistics like 1% of wrist cutting is fatal.
Most people who attempt suicide are in a pattern of self-harm. Hardly anybody kills themself first time, but someone who attempts suicide has probably tried it before, and will likely try it again.
The staff in the AE room at most hospitals get to know the local suicide watch. They joke together about about the number of times their regulars try it. (How else are they supposed to cope)?
Most people get it right after a bit of practice.
2 years ago
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I am still researching potassium cyanide which is the best choice ( why they use for certain military ops) so far it looks like we need to get a middleman someone who has a license to buy the chemical but also someone that would be comfortable selling it… i know there are people and doctors who assist with suicide maybe we could find one with a license?
I’m not the best at searching for this stuff =/ but if you or me or anyone else reading this could actually find someone who can obtain potassium cyanide everyone on here with a legitamate reason would be able to have a peaceful way to be brought out of this pain.