I used to be sure of how I was feeling. Whether I was horribly depressed sad, or the occasional satisfied, I always knew how I felt. Now…all I feel is numb. I don’t care about anything.
I don’t care about my future, I don’t care about my family, I don’t even care about myself. I put on this mask every day when I go to school, every time I go and see my girlfriend. I don’t think we’re gonna make it; I’ve changed too much. my mask is just the shard of the old me that’s left. She’s in love with a shred of a person. this cannot end well.
The thing is…I don’t want to sound cocky or whatever…but I know I’m smart. I’ve always gotten good grades even when I don’t try because school just seems too trivial. I know I have some sort of ADD but my parents won’t allow me to go on any meds, which could improve my quality of life by so much.
I dunno…I just feel empty now. I’m not filled with emotions anymore. Music doesn’t bring me the same joy. I feel like, mentally, I’m just dying. and my body hasn’t caught up yet.
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4 comments
hah. story of my life. it’s almost like you’re just going through the motions right? you do what you’ve always done, just minus the enjoyment and care and emotion and all the good stuff that make life, well, life. it’s kinda like you’re a zombie. that’s how i feel anyway…
Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes. You’re not feeling like killing yourself, right? You just feel like nothing seems to have a point. I think you should talk to a counselor at your school. I know that adults can be kinda annoying but they can also be really good listeners and counselors are there for that kind of thing.
Seeing the counselor doesn’t mean that you’re a freak, it just means you recognize that something’s wrong and you want help or answers as to why this is happening. I think everyone goes through this kind of phase where they just don’t feel like themselves and they just don’t see a point or they feel really numb towards everything that used to matter so much to them. It’s a transitory phase but sometimes it takes some of us need help getting out. Please don’t throw everything away. You obviously mean a lot to your girlfriend but if you don’t think you guys are going to make it, I think you should also sit down and talk to her. But not before you talk to a counselor. If you trust your girlfriend enough, maybe you could tell her a little bit about how you’ve been feeling (or having a lack of feeling) and ask her if she’d come with you to see the counselor because I think that might be a better way to get things out and for you both to be safe mentally by having that connection with the counselor.
In a sense, even being numb is a state of feeling something. People talk as if nothing is something, right? Kinda philosophical, really. I’m sure a smart guy like you is able to understand.
In my opinion, Marine, don’t lead people on. It’ll only bring them down even worse when you finally take that mask off. But if you don’t care, then more power to you!
You feel as if you’re slowly withering away, mentally? I say take time off from everything, including your girlfriend, and see where it gets you the next few days. Do something that can actually get a response out of you. Atleast then you’ll feel something rather than being numb all the time.
Quo Numb by Linkin Park song..now!
The “shred of who you used to be” is still you. It’s the new you, and IT IS OK. And it will change again. You will change over and over as you age. TRUST ME. Email me… let’s talk about what lead you here. I’d like to hear more about your life.
Mrslindseylambert@gmail.com