my new game

i slept with my ex many, many times. he has a girlfriend who he loves and who iI really like. i can’t stop even though i want to. we have such a fucked up relationship. last time i slit my wrists in front of him and he sucked the blood, then we fucked. i know it’s wrong, and everyone who knows wants to walk away unless i get help, but i just can’t bring myself to care. cutting myself and not eating, or throwing up what i do eat is how i get through the day, otherwise i’d just walk in front of a bus. i have a new game, it’s called crossing the road with my eyes shut. hopefully one day it will work and then they won’t know i did it on purpose.