I am 19, currently going to college. Live at home w/ my dad and mom. I am an only child. I am a disappointment to both my parents and myself. My mom told me this christmas i was a disappointment late at night. I am not a social person i stay in my room when not in school. Ever since I could remember I have been doing shitty at school and at anything I have ever tried. I hate being around people and have to fake small talk. My whole life I have been basically acting my way through. I act how i think I should. I have to think so hard just to do ordinary things like get threw a day and talk to people. I cant even fake a smile. I cant make myself get up in the morning. I can’t make myself do better no matter how hard I try. I have been getting through life on pure acting but I don’t think I can hack it in this world any longer. I don’t think its for me. I don’t enjoy one thing In this world. Nothing can make me feel better. I can’t stop crying. I am a disappointment to everyone around me, including myself. I think I was born missing something in my brain, because I try so hard to be normal. But i can’t even fucking function anymore around other people. It strains me. I get tired from doing basically nothing. Fuck this. I know i probably have clinical depression but I have been feeling this way since I was a kid and I had a normal childhood. I dont know what’s wrong w/ me I wish i could be fixed… If anyone has any ideas. by all means. If not than peace out..