I am 19, currently going to college. Live at home w/ my dad and mom. I am an only child. I am a disappointment to both my parents and myself. My mom told me this christmas i was a disappointment late at night. I am not a social person i stay in my room when not in school. Ever since I could remember I have been doing shitty at school and at anything I have ever tried. I hate being around people and have to fake small talk. My whole life I have been basically acting my way through. I act how i think I should. I have to think so hard just to do ordinary things like get threw a day and talk to people. I cant even fake a smile. I cant make myself get up in the morning. I can’t make myself do better no matter how hard I try. I have been getting through life on pure acting but I don’t think I can hack it in this world any longer. I don’t think its for me. I don’t enjoy one thing In this world. Nothing can make me feel better. I can’t stop crying. I am a disappointment to everyone around me, including myself. I think I was born missing something in my brain, because I try so hard to be normal. But i can’t even fucking function anymore around other people. It strains me. I get tired from doing basically nothing. Fuck this. I know i probably have clinical depression but I have been feeling this way since I was a kid and I had a normal childhood. I dont know what’s wrong w/ me I wish i could be fixed… If anyone has any ideas. by all means. If not than peace out..
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4 comments
I would recommend seeing a psychologist. Just because you had a normal childhood does not mean you can’t have depression. People can go into depression( at any age) for any reason, sometimes they don’t even know why. I am very sorry that you feel this way, and that your parents said mean things to you. Please don’t allow this to beat you; you have only given life a shot for 19 years, that is not a long time at all. there is SO much to life you have yet to experience!
Agree with the previous post. Try to get some professional help, depression can happen to anyone. At 19 it seems like the world is over your shoulders. There is more. You CAN get through this.
I wouldn’t say that you had a ‘normal’ childhood if your mother is telling you that you are a disappointment to them. I cannot think of any way in which a parent is justified in saying that to their child. Parents should love, support and encourage their children, not judge them and make them feel bad.
Out there is a God who loves you and to whom you have never been a disappointment. Out there is a God who believes in you even when you don’t believe in yourself, and who loved you enough to send his son to die for you. I really hope and pray that you get a sense of some of His love tonight, and that you come to know yourself as someone valuable and lovable. Yes, there is a better world out there, to which all those who accept Jesus will all go one day, but maybe your time isn’t yet… And if you do decide to go, go in happiness and faith, straight into the arms of someone who loves you, not in despair and loneliness.
with love,
Petra
Don’t worry, I feel the EXACT same way. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even have my own personality, and that I can’t get through the whole day. I used to be social with tons of friends and things going on, but it just stopped. I just like being by myself. Hopefully it’s something we will both outgrow, because we’re so young.
If you ever want to talk, my email is bchase10@yahoo.com.