to start off I’ve never done this, so I don’t really know how or what to write about and also i wouldn’t lable myself as ” suicidal “. I’ve certainly considered it, but not enough to go through with it.
I’m 18, and hoping to pursue a career as a psychiatric nurse. I’ve casually thought about suicide for as long as I can remember. What it’d feel like dying, how people would react and my funeral. What bugs me is this is a very casual thought, I usually don’t get emotional. It’s like thinking about what I’m gonna do tonight, or what to have for supper.
When I was 15 I was put on anti-depressants, and I hate it, people usually see me as the happy go lucky sort of person, but deep down I feel like depression, eating away, tearing apart my soul.
Also when I was 15 I was diagnosed with Anorexia. That was the hardest part. I was discharged from the day program at my local eating disorders clinic about 2 years ago. But not a day goes by where I don’t remember starving, and over exercising. It’s like the anorexias last act, to keep haunting me.
I saw my boyfriend tonight, today I had a particulary awful day and I guess I was being depressing, and after 20mins of trying to cheer me up he told me he was fed up and driving me home.
We’re a forever find of thing, but I don’t know how we’ll last if he cannot handle my depression.