cliche story of a failed athlete who got hurt one too many times and now feels hopeless. iÂ internalize everything. i feel sad all the time, if not sad than angry. worse yet i work all the time and keep up a front like everything is fine. i feel like crying inside. i don’t think i deserve this. im a good person. i work hard. im a special ed teacher and try my absolute hardest to help people with disabilities. Ive lost my faith, become very reclusive. and im pessimistic about everything. i thought about killing myself with a gun. dont want the mess. don’t want to jump into a river either. maybe ill try the monoxide route. id probably screw up the hanging. i just feel that if i was able to accomplish my dream it would give me a greater network to hel[p out people who truly need it. house less and people with no food or clean water. im not a selfish athlete looking to be a millionaire. just someone who wanted to live his dream for a few years until i could use it to change the world before i left it. i go to work everyday and smile but im dying inside.