I have attempted suicide 3 times. I’m now 27, the first time i was 14, the second time i was 21 and the last time was april last year. I’m currently having suicidal thoughts but i will not give in to it. sometime your worst enemy is yourself. sometimes the information you recieve from your own brain is not correct. When i was 14 i lived with two alcoholic and abusive parents – i wanted a way out. I was not succesful but gradually life did improve – it was hard work and took forever.
Now i’m married and estranged from my parents. I’m in therapy and have just cahnged mmy medication. I feel like the people in my life do not need me and would be better off without me. I feel i am a burden. But the reality is that my death would have a profound effect on those around me.
A friend of mone died just over a year ago, in a car crash. she was a relatively new friedn and only 21 years old. The pain i felt at her funeral was overwhelming. more so for her sisters and even her estranged mother. It devasted a community and changed my views on life and death.
So i will continue to fight, as i have done all my life. Because i know i’m depressed and eventually these feelings will go away. but i know they will return in the future. But i refuse to hurt the people i love. if the only thing i achieve this year is staying alive then i will have done well.