I really have been totally burned out. I’ve had the good times when my therapist and doctor too thought that I was getting better. But all of them have ended here, even deeper in depression and suicidal thoughts and act than I started. I just can’t take another getting better, ’cause I know how hard the end of it hits.
So please, don’t ask me why I want this or why isn’t there another option. Death is the only one who’s still able to help me. Hospital, drugs, therapy or even rehabilitation house (like something between home and hospital) haven’t been able to change anything. Death is the only way left.
I’m not suicidal, I am doing what’s right. And about people close to me – mum and one friend – if they knew how hard it is, they’d kill me instead ofÂ making me do it. Mum has been considering of killing herself too, so I know that in the exact moment she knew what I did, she’d do the same for herÂ so she would’nt have to suffer.
And would’nt it be kinda creepy and fascinating if mum, her daughter and her daughter killed themselves? I mean, my grandmum did it too.
But what’s the point of my entry, please would you tell me what you think is the best way to do this? I’ve been thinking hanging but I don’t have proper rope for it. I’m still 17 and do not have lisence for gun on anything easy. AlsoÂ I’ll get money in the end of month so no, I do not have money to buyÂ anything expensive.Â Me and mum do have medical drugs so overdose? But it’s not so sure way. Co-poisoning I would do, but always when the car is available, mum is at home too.
Please, tell me what to do. You can also e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org I DO NOT NEED ANY HELP! It hasn’t helped me in one too many years, so do not try to make me continue this suffocation.