sadly im still hear. this just makes me even more upset.. im to affraid to do anything. but i want to. i want peace. i want my heart to stop hurting. i want all the pain to dissapear. but im to scared it will hurt. id love to be able to die in my sleep. but im not old enough and my heart is in perfict health. i dont understand anything anymore.
the memories of being raped, molested, and beaten all rush back. i want to lie in bed and cry. i want to stay with my mom and live in the little happiness i have left. things get worse and then alittle better then back to worse again. i dont know what to do anymore. i really dont.. now.. im second guessing myself about dieing… but then at night the thoughts of sliting my throat or hanging myself come to haunt me. i cant sleep anymore… im so lost in this darkness that surrounds me i dont know what to do anymore.. i want my mommy….
2 comments
Hey Rose….have you had any councilling for the trauma related to your situation…. Whoever did this to you past on all their crap to you cause they didn’t know how to get help. That’s sad, knowing you’re carrying around this person’s crap. Should you choose, you can work at it…how long, I have no idea. God knows that experience you had is in no way a reflection of you, and I certainly don’t view it that way. I went through my own version of rape except it was emotional not physical and it’s taken me a long time to gain perspective on what happened and the truth behind it all. Feel free to bend my ear if you want. clnrch7@yahoo.ca Happy to listen and be of whatever support you feel comfortable with. Good luck.
i no what its like to have insomnia, ive suffered it on off for just over a year now and ive found various ways of dealing with it, heres what i want you to do
1. my insomnia stems from the terror of the world and how little we help so ive found that helping others allows me to sleep, look at your situation and try and work out what you need to do (only you can do this)
2. after a couple nights good sleep i want you find something to keep you occupied, getting a job is a good idea if your unemployed and preferably something physical, getting into shape always lifts my spirits and physical pressure takes up all of your concentration.
3. try and meet some new people, it doesnt matter how, and try a few new things.
4. plan what you want to set as your goals and work at it with a dogma
if you cant stand to stay where you are due to bad memories or the such then move away and start totally fresh. embrace every new opportunity and try a relationship thats not too high pressure. if you want to talk to me or just let it all out of your system then my email address is lauriejohnson1@hotmail.co.uk i hope i can help