Hello…this is my first post on this sight. Just sharing my thoughts to whoever wants to listen I guess. I’m a young teenager who lives with a guardian and her son. I lost my mom last year to pancreatic cancer. I havnt talked to my dad in seven months…most of his side of the family strongly dislikes me. I was born as a single child only to my mom, who was a single parent. She showed me love. And she was the most precious thing to me. And she is gone…nothing can bring her back. And my dad stepped all over her till the day she died and I can’t forgive him, or myself for not noticing all these years. I go to a great school and I believe I’m finally finding a strong core group of friends. But they do t know what it’s like to lose what you love most…most the kids at my school are fed up in their own narcassism. Stupid drama they feed off of like it’s a drug. It makes me sick.
Lately I’ve been pondering upon thoughts of suicide. And has gotten what is needed to get the action done. I know how, where, but not when. I look at the four people I care about most and how they would think. I think about music, how playing and listening helps fill me with this satisfying feeling. I’ve tried to open up to my closest friend but I don’t want to go to a place I don’t want to be. And I don’t want to worry him, cause sooner or later I know this friendship won’t last… Just like everything else. He already has friends and I just feel like a waste of time. I tell people I have a cursed mind…that I’m a bit crazy to warn them I’m not a normal kid. That things that I shouldn’t ponder about I do…things that shouldnt entertain me…that do. I’ve almost attempted with.a noose but not quite there yet. I’m afraid of that little leap. I just wanted to share my little story and thoughts… I know there are people who have gone through worse and have come out on top. Or still struggle but still make it far. And I have great respect to those who are still alive and gone to he’ll and back.