My life is falling apart.
It was fine.Â I mean, it was awful, but my grades were good… things were working.Â But then my dad had to screw everything up… I had to screw everything up.
I can’t take the arguments… the overwhelming stress.Â I’m a 17 year old girl.Â It’s my senior year in high school, and I feel like everyone has abandoned me.Â My friends have already applied to colleges, and I couldn’t finish my damn application essay.Â I can’t focus anymore.Â My unweighted GPA was 3.6 or so after junior year… sounds great right?Â But my grades dropped.Â I failed multiple classes.Â It probably fell a whole point.Â I’m afraid to look.
I’m scared.Â I had dreams… I have dreams.Â But no money.Â I have no rich friends or relatives.Â I worked so hard… I want so much to get a masters degree… I refuse to go to community college (My parents went through hell with that) or a stupid state college that has 500 people per class (I wouldn’t be able to learn anything).Â I can’t afford debt.Â I need a small, good school.Â But at this rate, I’ll probably never get anywhere.
I’ve considered suicide a long time now… but I’ll never do it.Â I just sleep and cry… and cry… and cry.
I never did drugs.Â I’ve never cut.Â I never attempted suicide.Â I don’t have any disorders.
But my life is falling apart, and my mom is too stressed with my dad’s s***Â and trying to make sure we still have a place to live to help me.Â My teachers can only lecture me on how I should do this, and how I should do that… they don’t have time to help.Â And the school counselor is not very helpful either.
I feel weak and empty.Â I don’t have energy to do anything anymore.Â I just want to sleep and sleep…Â I live far away, in a ghetto, away from all of my middle-class friends, who have little in common with me, and I’m completely isolated.Â I hate social networking.Â My only friend is a computer… at least it will listen to me.
There’s more.Â Too much more, but I can’t bring myself to write any more than this.