My life is falling apart.
It was fine. I mean, it was awful, but my grades were good… things were working. But then my dad had to screw everything up… I had to screw everything up.
I can’t take the arguments… the overwhelming stress. I’m a 17 year old girl. It’s my senior year in high school, and I feel like everyone has abandoned me. My friends have already applied to colleges, and I couldn’t finish my damn application essay. I can’t focus anymore. My unweighted GPA was 3.6 or so after junior year… sounds great right? But my grades dropped. I failed multiple classes. It probably fell a whole point. I’m afraid to look.
I’m scared. I had dreams… I have dreams. But no money. I have no rich friends or relatives. I worked so hard… I want so much to get a masters degree… I refuse to go to community college (My parents went through hell with that) or a stupid state college that has 500 people per class (I wouldn’t be able to learn anything). I can’t afford debt. I need a small, good school. But at this rate, I’ll probably never get anywhere.
I’ve considered suicide a long time now… but I’ll never do it. I just sleep and cry… and cry… and cry.
I never did drugs. I’ve never cut. I never attempted suicide. I don’t have any disorders.
But my life is falling apart, and my mom is too stressed with my dad’s s*** and trying to make sure we still have a place to live to help me. My teachers can only lecture me on how I should do this, and how I should do that… they don’t have time to help. And the school counselor is not very helpful either.
I feel weak and empty. I don’t have energy to do anything anymore. I just want to sleep and sleep… I live far away, in a ghetto, away from all of my middle-class friends, who have little in common with me, and I’m completely isolated. I hate social networking. My only friend is a computer… at least it will listen to me.
There’s more. Too much more, but I can’t bring myself to write any more than this.
1 comment
It’s amazing what others can see in you that you can’t at certain times. You have in no way screwed anything up, and I strongly encourage you to turn your attitude about things around. I remember being 17 and the stress I put on myself. If you do want help, I’d be willing to give you counsel. I’m 40 and have helped people with all sorts of challenges. This is a matter of keeping things in perspective and not freaking out.-and judging the situation as bad and a mess. Get into yoga, or something that will calm you. I have a list of things myself…but I don’t react to it. If you want to talk my skype id is softsoul9 – compared to many on here, you’re in a good place….trust that! Cheers!