I found this blog only recently, but have been contemplating suicide for a while already.
The reason why I’m still alive is because I am afraid of going to hell eternally. While I can’t say for sure that hell exists, I also can’t say for sure that it does not. What if hell exists? If it does, it’s definitely going to be more painful than anything I’m ever experiencing.
For now, staying alive is the lesser of two evils. It is tiring to keep my head above water, but it is still the lesser of two evils. Its hard that I have to choose to live.