I found this blog only recently, but have been contemplating suicide for a while already.
The reason why I’m still alive is because I am afraid of going to hell eternally. While I can’t say for sure that hell exists, I also can’t say for sure that it does not. What if hell exists? If it does, it’s definitely going to be more painful than anything I’m ever experiencing.
For now, staying alive is the lesser of two evils. It is tiring to keep my head above water, but it is still the lesser of two evils. Its hard that I have to choose to live.
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Watch “Wristcutters, A Love Story”. A guy gets dumped by his girlfriend and commits suicide. He ends up in another world almost exactly like the one he left filled with everyone else that commited suicide. Except that world is even worse then the one he left because the sky is always grey, no one smiles and so on. He say’s he’d commit suicide again, but is too affraid he’ll end up in an even worse version of the same world.
Truely, I don’t know what will happen, but I don’t believe in a hell or a heavan. But I do think it possible ther is an afterlife. We’ll probably be in a place waiting to be proccessed somewhere standing in a line.
Person in front of me will be, “I died of old age after seeing and holding my great great grandchild.”
Person behind me will be, “I fought wars defending oppressed people and when my friends were surrounded facing certain death, I did a one man charge to kill the enemy and save all my friends, dying herorically in the process.
Another person farther down the line will be, “I was checking my mail when a 90 year old person driving a big ass coupe deville ran me over and killed me, even though I was standing on my own driveway.”
And I’ll make up some story for how I died 🙁
I love that movie. Weird movie but there’s nothing like it. Shannyn sossaman is hot n beautiful.
Lynette, why would you do that to yourself by thinking that way. You are loved and cared for beyond comprehension. It isn’t reflected in your experience but that is by design. If you want further clarification you can skype me at softsoul9. Life at this time, is brutal…believe me, I know. There is a truth to life and death, sounds like you need clarification. Cheers!
Hell is so much worse than this place here. The loneliness you feel here will be that but beyond words. You will wander alone for all of eternity. You will not be with other. Please email me if you would like to talk, I am in love with Jesus and I know He wants to take your burden from you so you can enjoy this life and then spend eternity with Him! The Lord has amazing plans for you!
Love,
Adrianne
altera.ad@gmail.com
“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
To me I would prefer to live in a world like that because there is no hope, you know there is no chance anything good will happen. Here I am stuck in a world that shows me no good but there is always a stupid thing in the back of my mind giving me hope that things I really know will never happen, hope is the greatest joy and the greatest pain. If you have had things good once then you want those things to come back and the more time passes with nothing happening then the more attached you get to the dead past which just makes you circle. I just want something to happen in my life, something real to justify my hope and all this pain lead somewhere but it only seems to lead down so I am heading down.
@Elfus: I don’t think there’s any way on earth to know whether there’s a heaven, a hell, or even an afterlife place you have described. If suicide is not an end, it is conceivable that you just get shittier stuff after you die (just like the movie). What makes you want to die? If its pain on earth, killing yourself wouldn’t guarantee freedom from pain. Things can get worse – and that’s my dilemma.
@softsoul: Why don’t you clarify things here for everyone’s benefit?
@paul_1991: Who told you that “a world like that… [would have] no hope”? There’s no way we can imagine how that world is going to be like… we are not in control. And I think that’s what keeps a lot of us who contemplate suicide alive – not knowing what happens next.
Read the Tibetan Book of the Dead….that will clarify a lot for you. Google it. There’s tons of info. Best to be in as peaceful a state as possible when you leave. Love in your heart is a good thing.
The purpose of life is the evolution of your soul. We are born to learn certain lessons…most things are preplanned prior to birth, things don’t always go as planned down here. Often people feel the need to make an early exit. There is nothing unknown in the afterlife and you will have help and guidance-The only truth is what has been written about by countless artists…The Beatles…I don’t need to list them all….LOVE! We are working out karma and gaining merit for our time spent here in service to others. When you cultivate love within yourself it betters one’s ability to be of service to others, and pain creates a lot of growth opportunity….it’s no coincidence all the people on here showing love and support for everyone. That’s all that comes to mid at the moment. Cheers!