I’ve kind of just ditched God I guess.
I mean I know he’s real in everything,
but I’m just too selfish to care.
My parents forced me to go to church today.
I purposely did not listen to the message really.
When I wanted to sing, I told myself not too.
It’s sad I guess, I really just don’t want anything to do with God.
I guess I’m angry because when I needed him most he didn’t do anything.
It’s just I want to live my life. I want to smoke. I want to drink. I want to do whatever I want. and if this makes me selfish, so be it. I don’t give a fuck.
I decided I’m just going to change myself 100%. I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want and not care what people say. I’m gonna do what makes me happy, not what makes my mom happy.
I tell myself I’m getting better, but in reality I’m still the same sick little girl I’ve always been. I try to hide her, pretend like shes not there. But she is. Am I insane? maybe.
I’m still suicidal. If I was to pick to die or to live I would pick to die. I guess I’ve just been telling my mom I’ve been better so she’ll get off my back.
This is all a bunch of me rambling. blah. talk to me if you would like.