lost and confused and some news

i haven’t been doing my h.w in a LONG time…really… my house is WAY to noisy to get ANYTHING done.Todays valentines day EEW that means im gonna hear my parents do the nasty = l not happy about it…I might fail the WHOLE grade…im gonna get SUCH a beating if that happens…hmmm…i joined the literary magazine in  my school and im gonna give them one of my DEATH poems so that should be really interesting plus thats the only thing i can write about.I swear my guidance counceler is fallowing me.Im seeing her EVERYWHERE i go i think it’s because my teacher told her about the poem i wrote but my teacher also told her that it was probably nothing because i look like a VERY happy child thank god im a good actor or i would be DOOMED.Another week started and i have a feeling it’s really gonna suck! =( wish me luck ill REALLY need it…sometimes i wonder when it all started one second im fine and happy another second my life just comes crashing down on me…why? my mom used to be the strongest person i knew..i mean i learned to be strong from her,i learned to never let anyone put me down but here she is breaking down because of stupid things especially because of  HIM HE’S RUINED MY LIFE FOREVER i think he’s scarred my family enough so why is he still here?im so confused i don’t know how im gonna get through this…i think im gonna end it…i don’t think i can take anymore of this BULLSHIT anymore…im just lost and ive been feeling well, that’s the problem i can’t feel.I have no emotions what so ever before i used to feel but now i cant i mean i know i dont really care if someone dies or well i think the word is empathy.Now im cutting myself just to FEEL something…im so confused why am i like this?Why do i feel like this?i need help before i end it!