i think im done

every second of every day
i cant hold it together.
past the point of crying all the time. the tears are gone.
i go through the motions, everything is a blur.
i just want it to end.
i beg for help, nobody takes me seriously. just go on about their happy fucking lives. i do not want to feel this way. i want to end it today. i have access to a pistol. and knives. poisons, pills… trashbags, i could suffocate myself, or not? the misery runs through my veins like nothing i have ever known. WHY AM I HERE???? Is it my purpose to end it so others can learn from my actions? Is that why I feel this way? What can I do? seek help from more people who dont fucking care? Or end it all and feel no more? fuck!