I write because it is like the sound of my own voice, on a piece of paper. It allows me to free myself without everybody knowing what I am actually going through. Not everybody has to know that getting up in the morning is a pain, a pain of knowing that this is just another day that I have to get up and do the same thing that I did yesterday, the day before that, and 5 months ago. Nothing changes really, I do the same things and don’t get me wrong I have atleast gotten used to it now, but I wish I hadn’t, It breaks me down more and more every day and for some reason all I want to do is pull the trigger, not really because I don’t actually have a gun, and there are a lot of things in life that are stopping me, don’t let me sound like an emo freak, I’m a good person with a good life and good people around me, I guess I have the wrong glasses on because even though I have all that, I still feels like I have nothing, nobody to help me through this long journey because nobody yet understands, I mean I don’t expect anybody too, there aren’t a lot of people that are going through what I have put my self through, don’t make me sound spoiled for a lot of people, the least of their problems is having food on the table and a roof over their head, I get that; but I’m not under those circumstances, I know what I have and I don’t hesitate to take pride in it, but sometimes, that’s not what I want. I want everything to go back to normal, but I guess this is the new normal. Keep track of me and this emotional rollercoaster that i’m, with the seat belt on lock, this could get good because..
– imstillbreathing.
5 comments
What is your normal? What do you seek?
I unfortunatly can relate to all of the above
I know exactly how you feel, like no one is there. But heres the thing, and please read all of this and really consider it, because i know the answer. I dont know if you believe in a God or any sort of religion, maybe youve even tried religion and still felt empty. But heres what i think you should do, if you want the pain the stop, and the breatheing to actually mean something. I think you should give God a chance. Because nothing from this world will ever satisfy you. Its him, hes the answer. dont think of it as religion, thats not the answer. A relationship with God is the answer. It doesnt matter what youve done, im the last person to deserve him. I tried everything from porn, homosexuality, dating, cutting, and so on. But he still loves me. He loves you too, he wants you to turn to him. It hurts him more than it hurts you to be depressed. Just try and pray to him. Tell him everything, dont leave anything out. He is strong enough to hear the truth. I promise you, if you give your life to God, you will never regret it. You will be happy for the rest of your life. Its not about rules, its about falling in love with Jesus. well God bless, i hope i helped. email me if you ever need to at imthird717@yahoo.com byee!
@Hugman;
I guess you could say that my normal is waking up, and doing the same thing that i always do; i guess i don’t really know what i’m looking for, and i won’t even be able to tell you when/if i find it, all i know, is it’s not this, and if it is, then i just don’t understand because it causes me pain just knowing that tomorrow will be the exact same.
@imthird, yes, i have considered God, and even at this very moment he is a very big part in my life, but there are just some things that i just don’t understand. Like tomorrow, if i fall down and scrape my knee, is God going to come down and help me up? No. Maybe i’m not understand what his purpose is, and i don’t blame myself, i haven’t even figured out my purpose.
@happypill, it’s good to know that i’m not alone. and if you ever need somebody to talk too, i’m always up for giving advice that i myself can not even take.
My suggestions would be then to seek out a little adventure. Try something out of your norm. Humans were not meant to be a robot completing mundane tasks for their lifetime. Perhaps a lover? Are you in a relationship? Sometimes we just need that significant other to lean on and comfort us. A partner might be able to complete you like a yin and yang.