Unlike those who are going through a rough patch in high school or college stress, I’m 26yrs old and out in the real world. When I was in elementary school I would go home and cry because I had no friends. My mom told me it was ok, middle school would be better. The same happened in middle school, highschool, and of course college. Each was suppose to be the “best years” of my life. I’m now in the largest city in the country without a single close friend, a girlfriend, or a rewarding job, and I have $60k in student loans with a degree that doesn’t help me whatsoever.
I’ve tried going on a vacation by myself hoping I’d get to be more comfortable with myself and it was just lonely. What I have I done to find my soul mate or best friend?
I’ve tried eHarmony, Match, and OkCupid. I’m an ok looking guy with lots of fun interests so I have gone on some dates but none ended with a connection. For friends? I joined a local darts league. Everyone ended up being in their 40s. I can carry on a decent conversation but not go into social situations by myself and introduce myself to people. I’ve even bought self help books such as the famous “how to make friends and influence people”.
What have I done to help with my deep depression? I’ve tried seeing 2 therapists, taking 2 different types of anti-depressants, even going to church.
None of them have helped, I’m an only child without a single friend or person (outside of my parents who I talk to a couple times a month but aren’t super close to them) who cares or loves me. EVERY DAY is a struggle to get by. I’ve thought about suicide as the last attempt to stop the pain and researched the crap of how I’d do it. The ONLY thing keeping me from it is my belief in Heaven and Hell and my not wanting to end up in the later. I’ve been rationalizing that I could probably still get into Heaven because I’m “born again” but of course I’m not 100% sure suicide can be forgiven.
People have tried to say “there’s so many people who have it worse off than you”. Oh really? I’d rather be a homeless amputee with a medical issue if only I had a wife who loved me and a best friend who loved being around me (of course vise versa). People have it physically worse off than me, but emotional? Definitely not.
Life is horrible and I really can’t take much more of this.
BTW if anyone’s interested in what my research has determined. The easiest, most fool proof, quickest, and painless way of killing yourself is…..(drum roll please)…a shotgun (with O gauge buckshot) in your mouth, pointed up at a 45 degree angle. I’m nearly positive there is 0% chance of surviving that or suffering if you follow that.