I really am.
Whenever I’m outside in the street i see people smiling so easily. So carefree and happy of living their lives. While i look at myself and feel like just hiding inside a dark place and never coming out.
The reason i feel this way is because ever since i was little I’ve lived almost all my life with roommates. Not having my own home. And alone with just my mom. No other family. We have ended up in the street and have ended up with people who take advantage of our kindness and steal from us. I wish i had my own home. But my mom is always sick. And i can’t even find a job to help her. We are so low in funds we can’t afford anything. The place i live in currently is a closet. I sleep in the floor inside a closet with no door. The closet is about 5 feet wide and 4 feet tall. its like a box. The roommates, are a family of 7. They are LOUD all day and don’t let us sleep, breath or eat at all. They don’t respect us, and they steal from us the only money we have. They take advantage of our kindness and back stab us. It just goes to show how being nice doesn’t help you one bit. I’m tired of life. it is not fair others get help of getting a sweet home..where they can sleep in a bed..all warm..and happy. I’m crying so much. I hate this. My mother so sick all the time. All alone. And can’t even get a job. What a useless child i turned out to be. I still remember when she would tell me when i was little that i was going to help her so much when i grew up. And look at me now. I can’t even help myself. a doctor i know told me she might not even last next year. I wish i had a home we could afford. I wish i could see her smiling and happy. If i had 3 wishes it would be my mother’s health, secure money to pay for our home each month and PEACE. Is it too much to ask for a peaceful place? Yet all we get is crap. I’m tired of it all. Just walking in circles. Before we moved in here we ended up in the street. We had to stand in the stop bus and pretend we were asking people if they could help us afford a bus ticket. But what we were really doing was trying to save up enough money for a room in a hotel near by. The worst thing is that it was raining all that time. I use to love rain, but now when i see it, it brings bad memories. Sitting in the rain in Christmas was not a pleasant thing. I don’t know if i should just give up and die. Its not helpful when even your mother saids to you sometimes that she wants to give up. She told me ones that the only reason she is still alive is because she doesn’t want to leave me all alone. And because I’m the only good reason she still wants to live. That only made me feel worst. i don’t anymore. I’m losing hope.
I really am.