Advice? Please?

I’m on a sinking ship, and I didn’t even realize it until most of it was under water. The worst part, I don’t know how to swim. I don’t know how to save myself, nor if I’m worth saving. I hate myself so much that if I was sailing past this sinking ship, I’d throw a bomb at it to speed up the sinking. I lost trust for people. I told myself that I could trust someone, and every time I do, they let me down, and I’m the only one who ends up caring. Shit, I can’t even trust my own family. My mom hates me, kicks me out constantly, my little sister told me she wishes I didn’t fail when I over dosed. Meanwhile my older sister stands around criticizing me while her boyfriend punches me in the face for no reason. I’m sinking so fast, I don’t even have time to describe everything else happening. I’ll just say that I ruin people’s lives, and I don’t trust anyone enough to get close to them anymore. I’ve already sunk a few times in the past, pills and suicide notes being the final weight sinking the ship. The last 2 years I’ve been running around patching holes and forgiving people way too much, and it’s catching up to me now.