Gracie-1.blogspot.com

March 21, 2011                                                                                         1:46am

I just don’t know what to do anymore, coming to the end of my rope. I haven’t had any gas in my car for 3 weeks now, so it does no good to look for a job, try to get an account or anything else that somewhere other than here. I text people 24/7 most of them never text back, others do for a minute then

stop. I know it’s because they have their own lives and it’s easier for them to forget about me and go on about their day. I’m truly sick of being alone everyday & night day after day, no one calls or comes by.

I’ve tried to meet people on line, but that in turn takes gas in my car, because no one want to came to someones house they have never met before. So I stop even trying to find a friend or anyone else for that matter. When the few people do stop by anymore they stay for a minute then are gone, I don’t see

why they stop by to begin with.

This house has become a prison to me, I hate waking up to it and falling a sleep in it. Sometimes when I wake I just lay there and cry that I’m still here, having to face another day alone. Gus and the cats know that I’m coming to the end and worry that I won’t be here anymore for them. What did I do so

wrong in the life to deserve this? I have no one to talk too or do something with, I would even do things I hate to do only if someone was here to do it with. I search the internet day after day on different ways to commit suicide, while I hear the outside the world going and coming about their day. There is

nothing worth living for anymore.

I know that in Heaven I would never be alone, there would be plenty to do and people to talk with, a place that I would be someone again. Instead of sitting here all day crying wish I hadn’t woke up. I know if I committed suicide I would still go to Heaven. What stopping me is that everyone wants me to

do it, but the scales are becoming heaver towards suicide. It’s once again getting late, my feet and legs are hurting so bad I won’t be able to sleep again. I pray every night that I won’t wake up tomorrow. All these is anymore in my life is hurt and sorrow, I can’t even remember the last time I was happy. Every holiday I try to sleep the entire day so I don’t have to deal with it. In my dreams I’m someone again with things to do and people to be with. I don’t understand what I did so wrong that God himself doesn’t want to help me out of this. What I’ve learned after all I’ve been through is there is no love on this

earth. People tell me they will never leave, then gone never to look back again. When I leave this I too will never look back on again.

I called an old colleague and he told me he heard that I had passed away, for the most part I have. I didn’t write this letter to make you feel sorry for me or for your help in anyway. If I did commit suicide the press along with others will blow up some off the wall story of why I did it, that’s why I’ve wrote

you this letter. Even if you called more or came by more you can’t change that I’m totally alone and you will go back to your life where you belong. As far as doing it, what would I tell God? Sorry I took the ***** way out, but I was lonely. He’d say no you weren’t I was there along with your animals. But God…………………………………………………………………………………………………

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me.

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