its all goin down

im just gunna do it i swear to god if there is such a thing. iv been living the worst life u can imagine iv been collecting cans on the streets to make ends meet i live in a strorage room of a studio that took pity on me i watched both my parents die slow of cancer ech one right after the other all my friends have forgetten about me i havent had a girlfriend in years and i feel like everyday is getting worse and worse. everyone looks at me like a piece of shit i wish they cud see that i tried so hard not to be in this perdicament, but i only have walls in my life. i tried goin to college but i have no credit for a loan and since my sister has guardian ship of me and she left me by they wayside a long time ago i cant get student loans and grants, i have some much to give but i never get to chance to show it , now i sleep on cement and boxes and the only thing i care about is goin to the llibrary and postin on this site, its helped but the pain o have has made me so sick that i actually throw up or pass out almost everyday, i want someone to just hold me and tell me that they know the hurt and pain i feel and theres a way out but its never gunna happen , even the ones i work with and the people at the studio still act like they really dont care and when i walk home all i do is cry, when it rains i sleep on the roof so maybe i get struck by lightning or drown cuz i am so fucked up i cant even kill myself cuz i dont really believe it cud get any better , all i want is to be better, be like i was but i feel like everything thats has happened to me has made a complete worthless piece of shit and ill never get out