I’m just waiting to die now.

Okay, so a bit about me. I have mental disorders, i’ve had them since i was 8. Which means wherever i go, i hear voices in my head saying ‘ugly slut’ or ‘kill yourself’ and i think it’s the people surrounding me. I had to take meds when i was 8 up until now, 15 years old because i suffered severe depression. But now, i recently dated a girl called Megan and we’d been going out for 3 weeks, knowing her for such a short amount of time and the way she’d made me feel. I’m not a happy person at all but Megan made me the happiest i’d ever been in my life. And i cherrished that. And so i thought i was getting better. So i chucked the meds i’d been taking, i threw them down the toilet. I’ve been sick for a month because of not taking them. But now, i’ve recently broken up with her because i knew i was hurting her because of how shit i am. and how depressed i’d become. and i was messing everything up. i cause arguements and i hurt her bad. And i hate myself so fucking much i can’t explain. I chucked away the happiest thing that had ever happened to me. How fucking selfish of me. I now have no-one, like i did before i had Megan. I don’t have my mum, my sister, friends and now i don’t even have Megan. I feel so fucking shit. So shit i feel like just jumping into a black hole. But i deserve so much more pain than that. So sitting here typing this, blood trickling from my legs and arms, and dosed up on all the pills i could find, i hope i don’t wake up tomorrow. For the sake of everyone i’ve hurt.