Piling on

all these feelings swirling around, and it just keeps growing. Had a good Saturday. Golf w/ dad, brother, and son. I’ve got to get up Sunday and try to have another good day. I’m scared. Good days give way to bad days. Always. Joy is fleeting. Why is sadness so persistent? It takes so much effort to make a day good. I’m tired. I can’t keep pushing every day. I fight to stay happy. These feelings well up inside. It’s all about effort. Will power. Struggling. Demons break into my heart. Sinister. Destroyers of light. Darkness grows. Envelopes me. It has, it will, trying to now. Darkness I’ve seen you. Lurking. DARKNESS. Gloom. Despair. Desperation. You won’t take me alive. End it now. Finish on an up swing. Beat darkness. Finally. Die smiling.
I win.
Alas, but no. Today was good. Will tomorrow be as well? Maybe. I’ll be here to find out. Enter darkness. I knew you were waiting. I had hope. You would not return. Life was good? Yet, you are here. Why? When things are going well? You are here? I have no reason for despair. You are here. I’ve done it all right. You are here. A life I could be, should be, happy with. You are here.
You win.
I didn’t have the courage to go out on top.
You win. Darkness, my faithful companion.
These thoughts. These feelings. Consume me, my friend. I will give in. I give unto you my will.
You win.