there is green grass.. way over there – on the other side.

i look at people all the time and think how much id love to be them.

to have there friends

there looks

there life

to be adored that much by the people around them

then i look at me.

from a distance you might think im pretty

even up close.

but at night, when my fake deciving mask of makeup is removed

i remember just how ugly i am.

then i look at my friends.

and i have this disease you see,

its called illusional misconception

people believe that i am confident and bold.

that i have all these friends and blah blah

then when they get a bit closer

they slowly.. or quickly

realise just how weak and pathetic i am

and one by one they push me down and knock me around

i go from respected and admired, to the punt of every joke in a second.

i have no strength, i honestly cant stand up for who i am and what i believe in.

i lie all the time. i will pretend i am one thing – and get mocked for being that thing, only because i am afraid to own up to who i trualy am.

if i get mocked for somthing that is a lie. it hurts.

if i got mocked for something that was the real me. that would hurt a lot more.

alot of the time i just play the card of ‘having no morals and being total care free’ – what a fucking mad ****.

the sad thing is, maybe people would actually like me for who i really am.

true or false – doesnt matter, i dont have the strength or will