I see a lot of euthanasia groups are directed towards those suffering from physical ailments and terminal illness.
However, it’s never mentioned for those with life long mental illness which is what I suffer from.
My psychiatrist never told me what he diagnosed me with, but I suspect that I have schizophrenia, somewhere along that spectrum since
I was being prescribed anti-psychotics.
I’m not able to make friends or relationships with anyone or am I able to work anymore.
I live probably the most sad miserable life I can think of. The worst part about it is no one seems to understand.
Or care. Ive tried pills and only suffered bad side effects. Tried therapy, didn’t work.
I’m an incurable case. I tried to fix myself the best I could, but there aren’t any more options.
I’ll admit that I’m afraid of dying, but I know I have to do this. I’m getting older, and I realize now that it is hopeless.
I’ve never really been in a relationship, and people are starting to shun me. My roommates I used to be friends with
they are starting to get tired of me for being anti-social. My parents rarely speak to me anymore, and I can tell my dad
has zero respect toward me. They groomed me my entire life to be successful. It’s hard not to be able to live up to their expectations.
I did have a career once, but my illness got the upper hand, and I did attempt suicide before I quit but I failed.
I’m past being unhappy. I feel like I’m not even here anymore. To kill myself would be no big thing, I’m essentially already dead.
The hardest obstacle to overcome for me, is that I had such a great childhood, and such an opportunity to become someone special.
I had a lot of talent in a few different areas. But now, all of that is gone, and I’m left like an empty shell. All those dreams and hopes
of becoming something never came through.
It’s the memories of those times where things were right, before I really became crippled with mental illness. It leaves me
with major guilt and regret, and I want to return to those special moments where I felt more alive. But I know that will never happen.
I’m content with being dead – when I’m dead there will be no regrets just endless peace. I hope in the future that mental illnesses
will be treated effectively, so that no one will have to suffer the agony that I have.
No one deserves to be completely alone and with no purpose, and unable to change.
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You could probably take an overdose of your antipsychotics which could be fatal. Wait until you get a refill for the maximum number. I know, a friend told me that someone stole his bottle of Prolixin and died of the overdose. I take antipsychotics also, but I haven’t mustered up the guts to pull it off.
I’m not schizophrenic but I feel I relate to your situation quite well. I felt like I had a lot of potential I was wasting, stuff that I could no longer do. I was already dead; I was just making it official. My childhood was great, and then I went suicidal and felt like everything was just no longer worth it.
But….being dead will not give you relief. Being dead is just being dead. You might go to heaven or hell or stay here or come back or whatever it is you believe in, but it is not relief. It is certainly a solution that many people will tell you is a very permanent one. Of course, that’s the appeal, isn’t it? You want to end the pain forever. You want to solve it and be free of pain.
Well, guess what? You can most certainly solve your problems. There are coping mechanisms and thought patterns you can learn to use and adapt, you can find a new hobby, make new friends, go dating, get a pet, find a new job, whatever. There are endless things you can do.
But no life is 100% free of pain–and neither is any life 100% happy. We’re supposed to experience a bit of both. It’s okay to be upset. But you WILL be happy again. It’s inevitable. Nobody, absolutely NOBODY is sad forever.
Take care and be safe, wait a bit and try something new. It could change your life 🙂 ♥♥
whether you had a perfect childhood or not, mental illness can wreak havoc and be absolutely devastating to a person’s life. i’m not schizphrenic, nor did i have a good childhood in many respects (though i used to think i did, as many things were dissociated at the time), however, i do know what it’s like to deal with mental illness and to feel completely isolated and alone and like no one can relate to you and like no matter what you do, the pain and sadness just won’t end. i’ve felt that way most of my life. and admittedly am still feeling that way a lot.
i haven’t found a grand solution yet. but i do know that feeling isolated and not having people to relate to makes things much worse. humans need connection to other humans. it dosn’t necissarily fix things, but being able to talk to someone who actually does understand or who has gone through similar things can help a lot sometimes. i think you posting here is a good start,especially if there’s not currently someone in your life who you can turn to. i admire your courage and honesty.
i’m not sure where you are located, but if you live in the U.S., you could look into n.a.m.i. (national alliance of mental illness). even if you’re not in the states, the website has information and ways to connect online to their support groups. it’s http://www.nami.org they have a lot of information on mental illnesses, including schizophrenia. and in a lot of places, they hold meetings where you can go (always free) and talk to people who won’t judge you and who understand exactly what you are going through cuz they are going through it too. which is cool, cuz a lot of times shrinks and psychiatrists are going by text books and numbers and theories but they don’t know what it’s like to actually experience the struggles and frustrations and loss and pain from mental illness.
nami is also helpful because the people are at all at different places in their “journey” or whatever you want to call it. so some of them are maybe on the other side of a situation you might be going through. and they might have ideas that helped them cope or get through it that you wouldnt hear from a dr. or shrink or read in a text etc.
i think nami also has classes and stuff, in addition to the meetings. and both the meetings and classes are often run/ fascillitated by people who are coping with mental illness themselves. it’s helped a lot of people in similar situations. people who also felt their life was destined to be nothingness, who felt like the walking dead.
it might be worth consideration. and even if it’s not through nami, per se, in this age of internet and technology, keep looking, as there must be support sites or other resources out there that may be able to help you feel less alone. my heart goes out to you
Thanks for the replies. I have thought about od on the anti-psychotics but I’m no longer seeing a psychiatrist so I can’t get the pills. Just wanted to try the ******** method. Was thinking of buying a gun, but I don’t want to screw it up and be left mentally retarded or in vegetable state. I just want to leave for good. Just want to find a way to make sure I die quick and permanently.
Really do appreciate the helpful guidance on getting better and going to groups, and other options. Believe me I’ve tried most of that, and it didn’t work out for me. I know most people can become better through working things out, but I’m just so crippled with this illness that whatever I try just does not work. It’s comparable to someone having a head trauma and having brain damage-. I know to hear someone feel completely hopeless is a bad feeling and you want to help but it just is not possible in some cases, I’m sorry to admit. Everyone dies at some point, I’m just making my life end sooner than later because I can see that things are not going to be good for me, and it feels good to die young rather than drag the years by with major depression and feelings of humiliation and guilt. Not to mention be completely alone and isolated. I guess for me to commit suicide isn’t entirely to ‘end the pain’ that’s definitely part of it, but the core reason is because I simply cannot change myself, and the frustration is what is truly killing me inside. I just don’t want to remain like this and wither away slowly.
You don’t have to change yourself. You can learn to accept yourself for who you are. One of the major epiphanies I had in my “dark time,” if you will, was that, since I wanted to kill myself partly to end the pain, and my pain was being intensified also because I wanted to die but I was still alive (I hated myself for breathing), I realised that if I stopped wanting to end the pain–if I accepted it–then it could help. And it did. I deliberately decided to stop wanting to end the pain. I decided I would live with my depression and frustration and sadness, and I would accept it and be fully okay with it.
And I stopped wanting to kill myself.
I have no doubt that the rest of my life I will battle depression. That’s not news for me. But I also know that there will be times, if only a moment here or there, that I will be happy, because, logically, NOBODY is sad forever. Nor is anybody happy forever, which is why I live for those moments. A little glimpse of happiness is better than nothing.
Also, because death is inevitable, (and so is life), I fully believe that we have to make the most of our time on this earth. You have undoubtedly had someone say that suicide is selfish, and although I don’t agree with that, with mental illness one cannot help but focus on one’s self. You have a problem, you want to fix it, and maybe you can’t, so you obsess over it. You feel upset and frustrated the longer the problem is prolonged, and it leads to feelings of depression…all the while focusing on yourself and your problems. I’m not saying you are a selfish person who only cares about yourself. No, I am saying that it is natural to focus on your pain when you are in pain.
So instead of focusing on yourself, focus on somebody else. Go to a homeless shelter or volunteer at a hospital, or just do little things for your friends, like send them a card saying you’re thinking of them. Think about what you can do for others. It might seem cheesy but these little acts of kindness can make us feel good about ourselves.
Take care. Give yourself a little bit more time. Things always get better.
On a complete side note, what exactly is the attraction to the exit bag? I have seen dozens of posts about it. I wanted to hang myself, I felt like it was a fairly sure method, caused me enough pain but not too much, and I liked the way it felt (done lotsa suffocating…) I’m not sure I understand why anybody would want a method that, from everybody’s posts, appears to be relatively free of panic, the feeling of suffocation, and you go unconscious pretty fast?? Why would you want such an empty-feeling death?