Additional Thoughts #2

I’m taking my ex to a Metric concert on Sunday. I’m paying for the tickets. I really do not know why.

I just kinda realized that today, I have no idea why I’m even being nice to her. I mean I’d like her as a friend but I don’t want to talk to her the way I’d talk to any other stranger. It’s not that she brings back bad memories like I’m some sort of veteran of Vietnam, but I just don’t know. I guess it’s just the philosophy that once you break up with someone, 99% of the time things are never the same again. If you’re not a whore, that is.

I’m not nervous or anything, it feels like bringing any other friend to a social gathering, I just feel sort of stupid for doing it now. Am I trying to get her back or something? Am I trying to prove myself something? I don’t even know. She’s not a ***** or anything, I just couldn’t do anything the same with her again. It’s like, I’ve even thought in my own mind, if we had a chance at getting back together, I’d probably take it if I was just there and it just would “happen”, but when I’m not around someone I sort of like and I actually have my brains back, I can confidently say, no, I wouldn’t. I just know I’d be nervous and scared about it, I don’t trust her enough for anything much anymore. Which, I realize, makes perfect sense.

I’ll just do this and be done with it. For what it’s worth, school starts tomorrow, and I can begin something again, hopefully. The girl I like is in my first period class, I can’t bloody wait for that. I pray that I’ll get somewhere this time. Bloody hell, I haven’t even gotten my first kiss yet. Pisses me off just a teeny bit.

At least I’m not insane like I was earlier in the summer. I got into Airsoft, and stopped caring. Having a hobby works wonders, ladies and gentlemen. I strongly advise upon it.

I miss being in love though.