Fragile

My boyfriend’s ex died yesterday, she was riding a bike and got run over by a drunk driver, she was taken to hospital, and was on a ventalator for 4 hours, but she didn’t make it. She was 19.

I see him hurt, i see him so devastated and ruined. All i want is to take his pain and suffering away, i wish it had happened to me, because i know how to deal with death. When my mother died, so did a part of me. When my sister died, so did another part of me. I never wished that pain on anyone, and now it’s happened.

Im so deeply unhappy, and today my adopted father said; ” don’t milk it” when i told him i wanted to go see my best friends for support, to distract myself. He thought i was making it up, he thought i was doing it for attention. But it’s never been the case with me, when my mother and sster died, i didnt complain, i didn’t say anything, i just became unhappy.

I just want to be happy, but don’t we all? The city i live in, atleast 30-40 people are being killed a day, for no reason in particular. Pakistan has become my home, even though i wasn’t born here. It’s where i belong.  But then, why am i so sad?

How can i regain the strength to pull both my boyfriend and myself through this? I can’t loose him too. And all this happened, just when life seemed worthy of living again. T’is god’s joke on me. T’is god’s joke on the world.

Perfection lies in each moment- had we but the eyes to see.

-Ess