I don’t know i feel like I’m lost right now. I feel as if I’m floating out in space, not able to take control of my life. I finished summer school and passed and that was such a relief. But i don’t want summer to end, because i don’t know what i want to do, my options are get a job or finish high school. And to be honest I don’t want to do either. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I think about killing myself everyday. To be honest the only thing stopping me is my parents. I cant do that to them. But as summer’s end nears i get more depressed. I feel like this will be my last summer. I can physically feel my life slipping away. Every day that goes by is another day that i lose myself a little bit more, and i feel that September will be the end. I used to cut a lot. I haven’t cut in over 1 year, but not a day goes by where i think about it. Again the only thing stopping me is my parents, my mom saw my cuts before i don’t want her to see them again. I need help. I know i do. But for some reason I’d rather kill myself so i don’t have to feel anymore. I think about how i would do it, cutting myself wont work Ive already tried to kill myself once from that. These days i think about just jumping off a bridge. Im just so incredibly sad. I see the world as grey and black now. As if all the happiness has been taken away from the world. I look at pictures of myself from when im a kid and think, “Where did that cute happy kid go?”. Oh well maybe something will change, and i wont feel like this. I cant talk to someone face to face about this because im just so emotional when i talk about my life that all i want to do is cry my eyes out.
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Please go to Hay House Radio and listen as much as you can -every day !!
It CAN change your life, no matter how bad you feel right now! It continues to change and improve my life! Much Love & Blessings to You!!
*hug* You have a lot inside you right now and that’s hard. The whole prospect of finishing and the future is scary, for everyone, but remember your parents will be there to support you on your way. Perhaps you could chat with guidance councellors at school to see what kind of path you’d like to take?
I’m 20 and I STILL have no idea what I want to do. I just did two years in uni and still nothing. I have friends in their 30s who don’t know what they want to do, you are not alone in feeling worried or lost about your future. Think of every year at highschool, every job, as an experience to add to your life and to inspire you (or tell you what you don’t want in a job!)
You are a lovely, beautiful and brave person. I can see you care through your love for your parents. The world needs people with your compassion, losing you would be a great loss, for both your loved ones and the world (I’m sorry if that sounds a bit of an exaggeration!)
Really consider what you want before making any final decisions. You might not know what you want right now (I personally think you should finish high-school as the higher education you get the more choice you may have in jobs) but you will one day. A lot of it is experimenting. Don’t feel like you have to ‘be somebody’. You ARE somebody and you are very important, you are the hero in your life journey. Many people spend their whole lives experimenting, few know what they really want.
Take some time off your thoughts if you can. Engage in a hobby or activity you enjoy, spend time with friends or family, distract yourself from the suicidal thoughts if you can and possibly consider looking for some outside help. Maybe a counsellor, or the Samaritans? Don’t feel like you have to work this out on your own. In a world of over 6 Billion people, there will ALWAYS be someone who will listen to you.
Good luck, I wish you well and hope you feel better soon.
Dear ” i don’t know what to do anymore”
I agree with everything”notinteresting1″ says. As a mother I’m so glad to hear, that you care about your parents, they care about you too.
My english is not so good, i’m danish, so i hope you will excuse me.
My youngest son at 18, was depressed for about one year. All the time I thought he was lazy, and not interested in anything but his computer. He played a lot, and slept a lot, didn’t see any friends, didn’t talk to me. When i finally realized that he wasn’t just lazy, it was a releif to both of us, and we became able to talk about his condition. I took him to the doctor, who told us, he probably suffered from a depression, and gave him some medicin (like fontex). It helped, but didn’t cure him, so he also saw a psyciatrist/therapist, and we became better to communicate at home. Today he feels a lot better, he’s still not sure, what he want’s to do in his future, but he’s confident something will show up, and so am i.
As all parents i love my son a lot, and it would have devestated me, if he had comitted suicide, i can’t imagine life without him. No matter what problems he may have, he can always share them with me, and it shocked me, that he thought, i would be disappointed with him, if he told me he was “failure”, as he considered him self at the time. So please talk to your parents, cry your eyes out, if that’s what it takes, maybe show them this correspondance. They can’t help you, if they don’t know how you feel. As a parent to a teenager, you’re always afraid of being misunderstood by your son/daughter, maybe be accused for sticking your nose into everything, or being told that parents are so lame, and don’t understand anything 😉 That’s why we parents sometimes are too hesitant to confront our teenagers with our love and concern. It’s not the only reason though, sometimes we’re just too busy, and it’s easier to assume everything is fine. Please tell your parents, everything isn’t fine, and you need their help. I really hope you will feel better soon, and maybe in many years from now, will be able to give advice to another unhappy person, who is considering to end his/her life, just as i was a long time ago.
Lots of love and hugs all the way from Denmark