1 day.

September 16th, 2011by ac400

Hello again,

I guess this is the last time I will be posting something. I want to thank everyone for the messages and the sympathy showed. Its time for a final goodbye guys. Tomorrow Sunday 18 September is my last day here, no more me, no more me posting my sob story. For those of you, who have been on this journey with me, and who have read my posts and also for those who will read this in the future. I want to leave one last message behind.

I had everything, and when I mean everything, I mean in my terms. I had it all, and now its gone I am dead inside, Its time for my time to come to an end. No more acting happy anymore, no more pretending, no more lies. My Last and final act.

I never wanted to die, never wanted to end my life. But these last 3 months of my life have been the worst, and I cannot take anymore pain. I puke everyday, cry way too much, pretend to be happy, try to sleep all day and wish if there is a God to take me. I sacrificed my whole life for the thing I wanted most and when the thing I wanted was gone. I became lost. I don’t know what to write or say. What do you say when you know your about to die? I don’t know. I listen to music, and keep crying. Trying to be strong. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I don’t want to be the smart kid anymore. I don’t want to be anything. I know before I go, I made a few people smile and laugh. I know I helped a charity with the money I saved up. I have given away everything, theres no going back. Even though I say that, I always look at my phone for hope. Just incase I get that one phone call to keep living. But I know that phone call will never come. Thank you for reading this, and I hope no one commits suicide. I guess suicide is for the weak, for those who give up. Don’t be like me, be strong, find faith. I wish I could. I wish for so much, but wishes never come true. This is a cold world we live in. You don’t get a second chance at what you want most. I said to myself when Im gone, then I know I will count, as a statistic in another book. At least I will be documented I hope.

I don’t want to give my name away, just in case. Im 20 years old, from the Uk. And this is my story, Im a horrible person, selfish, I hurt those close to me. And those who have hurt me, I forgive you. I know some people will not forgive me for committing suicide and I am sorry. I wish you would understand and I could just tell you, I am weak. Thank you reading this. I know when Im gone, that some of my pain will be documented on this site. I know I am going to die alone but at least part of my story is out there. I know I will be forgotten and thats what I hope. I want to be gone and forgotten.

Keep strong guys. Goodbye for the last time.

My death song, Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

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