I can say it, but you won’t believe me.

Guess what guys? Great fucking news!

The girl I was taking to the concert on sunday can’t fucking make it!

….

I’m in my bedroom right now. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, and I don’t want people to talk to me  unless I want to talk first. I’m not crying, too much (I’ll cry more tonight though), but I don’t want to fucking socialize or do anything right now, other than be on facebook and MSN and pray that one of my closer friends will pick up their computer/phone and fucking HELP ME RIGHT NOW!

She can’t make it because of a family gathering. I don’t know what to do. Every time I try to go for her it’s ended in tragedy, like the fruit tree of eden. I’ve only felt this down once and that was about a year ago when I first posted on this site, which by the way was the moment I was about to kill myself right then and there. Good shit has never happened to me since last year. Nothing at fucking all. Nothing to cure my loneliness, or give me reason to live again, or give me reassurance after losing all I had loved for and burning every bridge I ever built. I don’t feel lonely right now, but more that I’m in a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd and I’m screaming but nobody fucking hears me.

I don’t hate her. I hate the circumstance in which I have to be in love with someone and the world won’t let me at her.

I sent this piece of text to my closest friend. Whether they are my last words or not will be answered in the next 48 hours.

 You can go ahead tell her that I really truly loved her a year ago, and I never actually got myself to stop. Even when she left I never truly hated her once. She’s everything I ever wanted and while she really did break my heart in every sense of the term, I’ll always love her just that much, and as much as I have tried I have never convinced myself otherwise. Maybe I never will. But I’ll be damned if that isn’t enough to be called true love.

Storybook ends.