Additional Thoughts #4

Felt inclined to post an update to my wonderful internet diary of sentimental thoughts that drive me insane. Or whatever.

Anyway, so if anyone has been following my story the last few months (please comment if you have, I’m boredddd), I’m on a wonderful self-destructive path to win back the girl that kicked my heart in the ass a year ago exactly, who left me and dated my best friend. Don’t ask; she’s really cute and we have so much in common it isn’t even funny.

Despite screw-ups earlier this month, things are actually going alright. We’ve hit it off again and we skype and talk alot. I’m gonna ask her on a legitimate date soon. Very soon. My other best friend, who is a girl, is my wingman in this game, and she’s awesome. I have all the reason to believe things are going well, but then again I wouldn’t be posting here if things were going well, that would just be ironic, wouldn’t it?
I’m 90% sure, and yes it could just be my schizophrenia, but I’m quite sure that both my “friend” that dated her before, and the guy who was trying to date her when I was with her before both like her still and are still hitting on her, as I am. So it’s like a god damn three way race. Deja Vu? Yeah, maybe. Except there’s a little more at stake this time.

Yes we’re hitting it off. Yes she hugs me more than anyone else. Yes she gives those hints that scream, “Hey, I like you, we should date”. Yes I totally used a sick pick-up line and told her, “You know why you suck? You’re immensely pretty today and I couldn’t help but pay attention to you.” I’M STILL FUCKING SCARED TO DEATH.

I’m just gonna pray that things go right this time and I can get SOMEWHERE with her, instead of get fucked over entirely.

The main reason I’m scared it will screw up, I’m going to get even more suicidal than before and do something stupid. That’s a given. Get in; get out. That’s my goal right now. I realize I’m fucked in every aspect.

Guess I can’t turn back now.