My Butterfly is Gone

My girlfriend carried out her plan on the 5th, I did not find out until the day before from a mutual friend.  I can’t believe she is gone and most of all I can’t believe she left in the way she did.  Even though I have tried to commit suicide numerous times myself I never thought that someone I loved would do the same.  We lived about 4 hours from each other so I have been back to her hometown even weekend since she has been in the ground to visit and sit with her body, in that lonely cemetery where she is not even buried by anybody related to her.  I hate this feeling of sadness, aches, brokenness and loneliness.  I have been depressed since the age of six and the I now these feelings well but it’s so new and different feeling them because I have lost the woman I love and thought I would have spend the rest of my life with.  Lost and confused.